"What A Wonderful World" Quick Hits by That Guy

Best Police Report Ever

I officer Candley responded to a complaint from an anonymous person that a white male wearing a bikini was in the parking lot at 1201 Louisville Ave (Hixon Used Cars) masturbating between the two cars.

Upon arrival I made contact with John Hudson who was wearing women’s lingerie and fish net stockings. Hudson stated that he was masturbating in the parking lot and that he had a fetish. I observed between two of the vehicles that were for sale a pink dildo with pubic hairs on it, pornographic magazines, lotion, and women’s clothes.

I made contact with an employee from Hixon Auto Plex who stated that they wanted to press charges for trespassing. (story courtesy of BarStoolSports.com)



HOLY SHIT!!! I guess this kid had a good Labor Day weekend, huh?

What's the big deal here? The kid got a little frisky and he had to get off. He was clearly already dressed to the 9's and when you've got your good lingerie on you can't very well stay indoors to masturbate. I think this guy showed great consideration for those around him by being gracious enough to jerk off between 2 cars.

I thought we lived in America, but apparently it's just Communist Russia. If you can't dress up in fishnets and lingerie in the good old U.S. of A., then where the hell can you??



Peoples' Exhibit 954,385 For Why Courtney Love Should Die

Some people have found Kurt Cobain's posthumous appearance in Guitar Hero 5 a little unsettling -- including his widow, Courtney Love.

In a Twitter tirade for the ages, the former Hole frontwoman announced plans to sue Guitar Hero 5 publisher Activision over the way her late husband was represented in the game

In particular, Love is incensed over the look of Cobain's avatar, which can be used by gamers to play non-Nirvana songs with Cobain lip-synching along. Love insisted she "never signed off on the avatar, let alone this [expletive] feature" and that "there's been four breaches of a very strict contract."

However, according to Activision vice president Tim Riley, working with Love was smooth and easy.

"Courtney supplied us with photos and videos," he told The Guardian. "She picked the wardrobe and hairstyle, which turned out to be the 'Teen Spirit' look, then we went back and forth over changes – some subtle, some not so subtle." (story courtesy of Yahoo!)



You're incensed about how the character looks? Bitch, YOU FUCKING KILLED HIM!!!!! Anybody with 1/4 of a brain knows Kurt Cobain didn't commit suicide and here's just another bit of evidence.

Courtney Love could give a shit about the fact that a well-done likeness of her ex-husband is disgracing his legacy by singing "You Give Love A Bad Name" and rapping like Flavor Flav (check out the video of it on YouTube if you don't believe me). She cares about the fact that there have been "four breaches of a very strict contract." If she's going to make more money off of Kurt Cobain, then GODDAMN IT, it better be according to the contract.

I'm pretty sure Activision wasn't going to take any chances on this and risk losing everything they've built to your money-grabbing, pill-popping ass, so when they say you provided them with videos and photos and helped pick out the wardrobe, I'm taking their word.

Fucking bitch. Do the world a favor and take the same shotgun you killed Kurt with and blow your own brains all over the back of your living room wall.




How About 10 Counts of Being an Awesome Youth Minister?

A youth minister at a Stafford County church was indicted yesterday on charges that she had sexual relations with a 15-year-old boy.

Jennifer Michelle Brennan, 36, of Spotsylvania was charged by a Stafford grand jury with 10 counts of taking indecent liberties with a child and 10 counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

According to court records and sources, Brennan met the boy through her position as youth minister at Saint Matthias United Methodist Church in Stafford. The boy's mother said that among other things, Brennan counseled her son and his girlfriend against premarital sex.

An affidavit for a search warrant states that Brennan began holding and kissing the boy during counseling sessions, and the acts later escalated to sodomy and sexual intercourse.

"She is a predator and she preyed on my son," the boy's mother said. "I just hope she didn't prey on anybody else's son." (story courtesy of Fredericksburg.com)



Preyed on your son??? Lady, your son is 15 with a girlfriend; 100 bucks says he fucks her more times in a week than your husband slides it in you in a month.

And why is everybody jumping on Mrs. Brennan here for messing around with this kid? The first few paragraphs tell the whole story; she's a youth minister and gave the boy and his girlfriend a speech about the dangers of premarital sex. How the fuck is she supposed to know if her words had any effect if she doesn't try to penetrate the kid's abstinence defenses?

If anything, she should be given an award for going above and beyond the call of duty. It's one thing to give speeches and preach all this crap about living a good, honest, pure life. It's another to follow through and make damn sure those words rang true in the hearts of those who heard them.

If you ask me, we need more chicks like Jen Brennan around to straighten out America's misguided youth. Or at the bare minimum let them know what anal feels like.