Wax On Meets?

We all finally met for the first time....we had a very productive meeting and will continue to write on a basis that makes you wonder whether we exist or not...

Just Give This Guy the "Coach of the Year" Award Now

I should be getting ready for the Yankee game right now, but this was just too good to pass up. Mike Leach is the fucking man. It's one thing to call out your team to try to inspire them to play better, but it's a completely different thing to bring their fat little girlfriends into it. 100 bucks says Texas Tech wrecks whoever they play this weekend by at least 50 points and here's why:

Everybody knows fat chicks suck. It's just science. They're loud, obnoxious beasts whose sole purpose on this Earth is to hog the natural resources from us smaller, more productive members of the human race. And the only thing worse than a fat chick is a fat chick with a boyfriend. She becomes even more loud, more obnoxious, more needy, and more annoying to everybody around her when she has a guy to hang on. If you have a guy with a lardass chickie, take a look at him the next time you're hanging out. If you catch it at the right moment, you can actually see the life being sucked out of him and being deposited right into her fat stomach.

Now I don't go to Texas Tech so I don't know what kind of tail their players are pulling. Typically D-1 athletes get the most prime cuts of campus pussy, but far be it for me to call Mike Leach a liar; if the guy says his players have fat little girlfriends then they probably have fat little girlfriends. Now here's the key; when those fat little girlfriends find out what Leach said about them, they are going to take it out on their boyfriends and bitch and moan to a degree never before experienced by these guys. The only thing the guys will be able to do to avoid killing themselves is go out on Saturday and take out all their anger and hatred for their fat little girlfriends on whatever poor saps are across the line of scrimmage. It's genius.

Just like behind every successful man is a good woman, behind every underachieving football player there's a fat little girlfriend. You motivate the fat little girlfriends, you motivate the team; it's coaching 101. Knute Rockne never thought this shit up.

Oh Come On!!! by That Guy

Now this story and video has been making the rounds on the internet and TV over the last day or 2, but I called bullshit on this within the first 10 seconds of watching it.

Notice the phrase "training to be a pro football cheerleader." All it takes to be an NFL cheerleader is a set of tits and a decent haircut, so if this chick, who is at least a 7-7.5 out of 10, can't hack it as a cheerleader for one of the worst teams in the league then she's pretty much hit rock bottom. So she cooked up a cute little story about getting a flu shot a few days ago and then suddenly starting to walk like a freakshow combination of the "Thriller" dance and Gollum from "LOTR," and talk like a deaf "Sesame Street" character, and suddenly her tragic tale would be all over TV, catapulting her into the spotlight she so desperately craves.

Nice try, bitch, but you have to wake up a little earlier in the morning to pull an amateur hour shenanigan like this over on me. You can feed me all the lines about dystonia and doctors being amazed by this one-in-a-million case, but unless I'm looking at a doctor's report and seeing a diagram tracing back this supposed disease through this chick's family tree, I'm not buying it. And then when she takes it to a whole new level with the added "I can walk backwards and jog just fine, and even talk right when I'm jogging. Golly gee, what a craaaaaaaaaaaazy mystery!"-routine, I'm putting all my money on "Bullshit" to win.

For Christ's sake, she doesn't even stop jogging before she starts spazzing out again at the 1:28-1:29 mark. If you're going to try to pull one over on America, at least rehearse a little more and keep a little consistency in your side effects. This "Inside Edition" dude should just fucking quit his job now. If that were me in that case, I would have pulled a Walter Sobchack on her, yanked her up off of that couch, and exposed her as the walker that she is.

If you really want to enjoy this story, try this version instead.



I laughed my fucking ass off watching this twice in a row. Am I going to hell? Absolutely. But at least I'm not lying about it like this bitch.

Infants: Cute and Cuddly or Seriously Sinister?

We see it everywhere. Babies. Parents smothering and ogling their little bundles of joy...but really, what have you seriously brought into the world...here are the top 10 reasons why infants are going to be our destruction...

1. They Steal, They Climb, They Are Hungry, doesn't this sound a bit too much like a horror film?


Advice: Run away right now, before it gets it realizes you just took a picture of it...It will not tolerate such treatment except whilst asleep. From this picture I wouldn't doubt that it could scurry up your leg, while stealing your wallet and biting your nose, look at that thing. *shivers*

2. Babies EAT OTHER BABIES!


Advice: Keep it away from other children, or maybe we should just lock them all together for a toothless bloodbath? I don't even know what to do about this...terrible.
This plays right along into my next point...

3. Babies Can Be Zombies Too


Imagine a zombie baby CLIMBING on your head, tearing out your eyes!
Advice: Pick axe through the skull. Seriously. Do it now. It is a win-win. Right? I mean...let's say the baby becomes a zombie...then you are screwed. But if you kill it, then you solved all your problems since the "Damn, I should have pulled out" moment.

4. Angriest creatures ever.



'nuff said.
Advice: Turn the baby upside down for extended amounts of time. Eventually gravity will confuse and it will smile more than frown. Or punt the baby from a balcony.

5. Babies can KILL YOU with THEIR EYES!


Look at that!! My ears started bleeding after a while...evil.
Advice? What advice can possibly be given to stop that!

6. They were this kinda shit on their heads.



It makes me paranoid...
Advice: Don't smoke or use any unlabeled pills and then look at your kids head.

7. The want the world to kiss their ass...they don't give a damn what you think.


Advice: Smack that bitch.

8. They hate everything created FOR THEM!
Like Mickey Mouse...


Or even kittens...


Advice: Ball and Chain. Lake.

9. OH MY GOD!!! This is reason enough to leave your infant in a dumpster.



Advice...Butt plugs.

10. Hitler was a baby too.




I think I have rested my case. Have a baby-free night.

~Garrett R

PBR Is "Hip" Now by That Guy

Sales of Pabst Blue Ribbon are up a whopping 25 percent this year, according to Information Resources Inc.

"Well, of course," you say. In this economy, consumers are looking for low-cost options, and cheaper beers are going to do better than more expensive ones.

But Pabst raised its prices last year and now it isn't as cheap as you may think: The beer now costs $1.50 more than MillerCoors' Keystone, $1 more than Anheuser-Busch's Busch and Natural brands, and 50 cents more than Miller High Life, Crain's reports.

Yet, despite being more expensive, PBR is doing remarkably better than all those brands in profits.

Pabst managed to pull of a strangely effective word-of-mouth campaign that made the long-declining brand an "ironic downscale chic choice for bike messengers and other younger drinkers who viewed the beer as a statement of non-mainstream taste," reports Crain's.

Let's call a spade a spade: Those "non-mainstream," "younger drinkers" are hipsters.

Usually found smoking European cigarettes and/or cloves, hipsters are known for their despise of anything "mainstream" and their fondness for irony. They listen to bands that no one has ever heard of and start fashion trends that are cool because of their "uncoolness", e.g., trucker hats or vintage plaid shirts.

This is where Pabst Blue Ribbon comes in.

"It's an anti-establishment badge," said a major market wholesaler. "It seems to play to the retro, nonconformist crowd pretty well."

Hipsters enjoy drinking a beer that isn't as "established" as other better-known brands, asserting themselves are more "genuine" and "unique" than the mainstream that surrounds them.

They should be careful though. With the incredible rise in sales, Pabst Blue Ribbon could become so popular, it may enter the mainstream, and hipsters will have to abandon it in favor of another "cheap" beer. (story courtesy of NBC Los Angeles)



First off, did I miss the fucking boat on PBR being considered a "good" beer? I've drank my fair share of that stuff and I think it sucks something fierce. If you don't pound that shit down right out of the fridge it gets pretty skanky after about 20 minutes, even more so when it's canned and not bottled. Pabst is fucking garbage, plain and simple, and the people that brew it and bars that sell it know that. You can find "$1 Pabst" promotions at half the bars in the country, but you don't see too many "2-for-1 Guinness" or "Half-Off Sierra Nevada" deals do you?

So fucking what if they stuff is $1.50 more than Keystone or Natty Light? Stating that your beer costs slightly more than Keystone as if it's a good thing is like saying a girl you want to bang is slightly sluttier than Paris Hilton and that's why you want to bang her. You can pretty much buy an entire canning line of Natty Light for 13 bucks so how is a slightly higher price a sign of that much better quality?

A 6-pack of REAL good beer is going to cost you more than a case of Keystone or Natty or PBR and there are plenty of non-conforming microbrews out there that are a hell of a lot better than Pabst. Not to mention the fact that the Pabst Brewing Company has been around since the mid-1800s, so saying they aren't "established" is like saying the Dallas Cowboys are an expansion team.

Secondly, when the fuck did wearing goofy clothes and listening to obscure bands make you a "hipster?" Where I come from, we call those guys douche bags or losers. I thought the phrase "hipster" went out the window as soon as "Happy Days" went off the air but it appears I was wrong in that thought also. The whole concept of being "different" and "non-conformist" by conforming to awkward things is bullshit anyway, so the fact that this sub-group of middle-class white kids has managed to bring PBR into mainstream focus is a fucking riot to me. Nothing like drinking what everybody else is drinking because it's suddenly "cool" to express your individuality, huh?

I'm going to call this what it is; a bunch of un-original lemmings latching onto something that they thought was cool and different but in actuality has been around since it was still legal to own black people. The real reason these so-called hipsters probably bought PBR was because they had spent the rest of their money on trucker hats and Flaming Lips vinyl records and couldn't afford a good 6-pack of Big Sky or Left Hand Brewery beer and resorted to PBR because they know Keystone and Natty sucks.

P.S.- Anybody who thinks PBR is better than Miller High Life is a fucking moron.

A Letter...by Garrett Radant

My Dearest Empty Page,

What am I today? I am a soldier. Shrapnel hurling through the air, bullets echo across the skies, firefight. You are the piercing pain in my knees as I crawl into a bunker coated in glass, tears of regret coarse my soot covered cheeks. For I am a boy, hiding under my bed, they are fighting again. The door slams and I am alone. By myself, I walk down the aisles of this Cathedral...vacant pews and unlit candles. A place so serene and so self-served. More battles were held in this very room than anywhere else before. Looseleaf? Do you hear me? Do you believe? Because lately, no one could ever listen...between you an I...this is the only way I speak. Am I in love today? Am I so enthralled in someone that myself as a being is woven into them...they don't know it though...they never do. Are you walking away again today? Every time is the last time. Every dream is broken and every wish was made upon airplanes, for shooting stars don't soar this way. Are you making a promise today? It is easy to say you believe in something, when you rebuked it yesterday...for the morning is cleansing and the night remains a pool of unknown. In the shadows I dwell, not hiding from anything but myself. Realizations are the hardest things to accept and the simplest to ignore. I am a child chasing his dreams, I am an adult with no hope left. Strapping on these pads, stepping onto the field; sweat, blood and bone. I am the stringless guitar, I am the muted noise, I am the silent wave, I am broken. Glasses clatter against themselves, heads back, shots down. One goal in mind... drown coherency. Am I nothing in this ghastly fog? I can only hope. I run down an abandon street, lungs ache, legs burn...I give the moon a fleeting glance. Gorgeous. Rain turns to hail, I am soaken. Call it purification, call it a release. I yearn to scream...forever is only as long as life can push you on...which begs the question, how can one live...without first dying? Blood gushes, mist coated wind sprays and the sun sets as I grab your hand...I kiss you as the first stars appear in the sky. Perfection isn't always what you dream...but this time; it is. I muster everything I ever could have had. All the energy, all my soul... I whisper. Because with you dear looseleaf...I am almost heard.

Yours truly,

Silence

Halo: ODST. Fun game, or funnest game? by Kyle W.

Alright, so that funnest game part is a lie. It's also terrible grammar. But I do love ODST, for a myriad of reasons.

1. Firefight. It's by far the best game mode ever. If you've played Gears of War 2 Horde mode, or Call of Duty's Nazi Zombies, then you've played something similar to Firefight. But unlike those two games, ODST wins harder than both. IT'S TOO MUCH FUN.

2. Instead of being the unstoppable super soldier, Master Chief, or the tragic hero of the Elites, The Arbiter, I get to be an ODST. ODST is an Orbital Drop Shock Trooper. So you can't charge into a group of Covenant and expect to come out alive. It's possible, but improbable. Tactics, teamwork, weapon usage, and level knowledge plays a huge part, and makes it infinitely more fun.

3. Getting to fight a bunch of different Halo Covenent species, including Brutes, Drones, Grunts, Jackals, and Hunters, along with the different weapon classes these enemies can come in means that variety runs rampant. Bungie also included a relatively unknown new race called Engineers, who serve no actual combat role but give Overshield to any unit within a certain range of them. Ultimate support units, these Engineers, and they can really ruin a team if not taken out quickly.

4. With the addition of "skulls" to Firefight, it vastly changes the difficulty from round to round, meaning that a team not working together can get royally fucked when a skull like "Enemies have 2x health" comes on.

5. And of course, the new campaign is extremely fun. It differs from the last Halos by concentrating more on a self contained story about the ODST squad instead of the entire war. I actually cared about what happened to all my squad mates. Also, the ambience and atmosphere of the campaign is top notch, giving an extreme sense of loneliness when playing as The Rookie in destroyed New Mombasa, and the classic Halo feel when playing as a different ODST like Buck or Romeo.

Buy this game if you even remotely liked any Halo, if you like Nazi Zombies, or even Horde Mode on Gears 2.

My gamertag again is Nightwing1191, add me and we'll Firefight it up. ODST out.

Take That, Bank Of America

NEW YORK (Reuters) – Dalton Chiscolm is unhappy about Bank of America's customer service -- really, really unhappy.

Chiscolm in August sued the largest U.S. bank and its board, demanding that "1,784 billion, trillion dollars" be deposited into his account the next day. He also demanded an additional $200,164,000, court papers show.

Attempts to reach Chiscolm were unsuccessful. A Bank of America spokesman declined to comment.

"Incomprehensible," U.S. District Judge Denny Chin said in a brief order released Thursday in Manhattan federal court.

"He seems to be complaining that he placed a series of calls to the bank in New York and received inconsistent information from a 'Spanish woman,'" the judge wrote. "He apparently alleges that checks have been rejected because of incomplete routing numbers."

Bank of America Corp faces real legal problems, including New York Attorney General Andrew Cuomo's threat to sue its chief executive and a judge's embarrassing rejection of a settlement with the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission.

Yet the money Chiscolm wants could dwarf all the bank's other problems. It's larger than a sextillion dollars, or a 1 followed by 21 zeros. Chiscolm's request is equivalent 1 followed by 22 digits. The sum also dwarfs the world's 2008 gross domestic product of $60 trillion, as estimated by the World Bank.

"These are the kind of numbers you deal with only on a cosmic scale," said Sylvain Cappell, New York University's Silver Professor at the Courant Institute for Mathematical Sciences. "If he thinks Bank of America has branches on every planet in the cosmos, then it might start to make some sense."

Judge Chin gave Chiscolm until October 23 to better explain the basis for his claims, or else see his complaint dismissed. (story courtesy of Reuters)



Bravo, Dalton Chiscolm, bravo. While lazy pussies like Michael Moore are making cute little movies poking fun at our economic crisis and the banks that are not being held accountable for their role in it, mavericks like Dalton Chiscolm are taking real action and trying to hit these crooks where it hurts: right in their big, fat pockets.

Judge Chin can call this lawsuit incomprehensible all he wants, but the facts are staring him right in the face and they point directly to a victory for Mr. Chiscolm. The place is called Bank of America, not bank of Spain. When you call up customer service, you should be speaking to an American, plain and simple. Game, set, match for Chiscolm. I bet after he wins this landmark case, BOA won't be fucking up his routing number this time.

Then you've got Sylvain Cappell smugly poking fun at Mr. Chiscolm's case. Listen, asshole, when's the last time you went up on Space Shuttle Discovery? If you haven't been to every planet in the cosmos then don't dismiss the possibility of there being a Bank of America on each any every one of them. That's probably what helped them stay afloat in the first place.

Andre Cuomo's potential case against BOA is good, don't get me wrong, but everybody needs to realize that Dalton Chiscolm's suit is as real as it gets. Bank of America clearly has 1,784 billion, trillion dollars hidden away somewhere; you know it, I know it, and Dalton Chiscolm knows it. He got fucked by the long dick of the American banking system only he didn't take it sitting down like the rest of us. He acted swiftly and decisively and if Bank of America knew what was good for them, they would stop counting how many zeros are actually in 1,784 billion, trillion and fucking pay up because Dalton Chiscolm does not fuck around, this guy plays for keeps.

Seriously, I would be afraid to even ask him for a dime for the soda machine at work out of fear that he'd charge me 5,000,000 years interest on it if I didn't repay him the next day and then slit my throat in my sleep just to send a message to the rest of the office.

HEADLINE: Soda Can Samurai Gets Bum Rap

BRYAN, Texas – A man who was apparently was upset after finding a soda can in his room allegedly used a sword to cut two of his roommates. Michael Angel Zamago was jailed on Friday on a charge of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon related to family violence. Bail was $25,000.

A police report indicates Zamago was upset to find a soda can in his room, thinking someone entered without permission. Zamago allegedly used the sword to poke holes in a closed door to a room where the pair fled.

One roommate has a cut under his right arm pit. The other suffered a cut in the shoulder area.

A jailer who declined to provide his name said there was no record of an attorney for Zamago. (story courtesy of the Associated Press)



It's too bad Johnnie Cochran is dead because he would have this dude out of jail and all charges dropped before lunch time. This is an absolute no-brainer if you really break it down.

When the 2 people you jack up with your sword are hiding in another fucking room after fleeing the scene, that's dead giveaway that they were in your room without your permission. Where I come from, we call that trespassing and if your home or living space is invaded, you defend that shit at all costs. If that means a couple of pussies who had the gall to trespass and then sully your room with soda cans have a little of their blood spilled, then so be it.

All Michael Zamago was trying to do was keep a clean, orderly dwelling and do his part to help Mother Nature. Dude's probably an eco-friendly, organic food-eating guy so of course he's going to flip 3 shits when he finds a soda can in his room. It's not like he was running through the streets carving people up like Sir Lancelot in Monty Python and The Holy Grail; he didn't attack until provoked, which I'm pretty sure is the 4th or 5th rule of the Samurai Code so where does the aggravated assault come in? Not to mention the 2 "victims" were his friends, not family, so the whole "related to family violence" bit is out the window too.

This is nothing more than a simple case of "Don't Do the Crime if You Can't Do the Time." You don't want your roommate going Jack Torrance on you through your bedroom door? Don't drink Dr. Pepper in his room and leave your shit laying around; pretty fucking simple if you ask me. And if all you suffer is a cut to the arm pit and shoulder, don't go crying to the police. Put a little hydrogen peroxide and a Band-Aid on that shit and go back to work.

Goddamn Emus Are Running Amok in Mississippi

FOREST, Miss. – Officers had to use a stun gun and handcuffs to capture an emu running loose on Interstate 20 in central Mississippi on Sunday. Police Officer Kiley Culpepper told WLBT-TV in Jackson that motorists had been calling 911 since Friday to report sightings of two emus on I-20 and nearby U.S. Highway 80.

Authorities had been unable to find the animals until Sunday, when one was spotted near an I-20 entrance ramp.

The big bird was dodging traffic. Culpepper and deputies were able to surround the animal but has to use the Taser and handcuffs to finally get it off the road.

After being captured, the animal was taken to the Scott County Forest Coliseum. (story courtesy of Yahoo! News)



Fuckin' A, man!! It's about goddamn time emus got what was coming to them. For too long we've let them run wild through our country thinking they could do whatever they want, walk across any highway exit they damn pleased. Well no more!! Cops in Forest, Mississippi know what's up and they aren't going to stand for this slap in the face of humanity, least of all Kiley Culpepper.

You want to play chicken with people on the entrance ramp who are probably trying to get to work so they can drag us out of this recession since it's clear Barry O. isn't helping in that department? BAM!!! Fuckin' handcuffs and tasers all up in your ass!!

I don't know when emus started thinking they ran shit around here, but it's about time somebody stepped up and put an end to this bullshit. Nevermind that there probably isn't any use for handcuffs on creatures that don't have hands, Mississippi cops probably never think that far ahead. But in times like these when our society is crumbling around us to the point that emus are basically teabagging us on the highway, I don't want cops that think, I want cops that fucking act!

Too bad the police only managed to cuff and taze one of the perpetrators. All I know is that second emu better have some friends who can help him stay off the grid because the Forest, Mississipi Sherrif's Department is coming hard for you this time, friend. No handcuffs or Miranda rights here, just a double dose of American justice delivered with a standard-issue 9mm.

Terrible Music? by Garrett R

Once you get beyond the clever title please proceed to hear what I actually have to say.

Why is everyone so down on the current stream of real music? (by real music I mean everything but rap and hip-hop)

I'll admit, we have hit a musical dryspell when it comes to a rush of good bands. But think about it once, have we really?
People often say that music was better 'way back when' because you rarely hear a 'bad' old song.


Journey, Kiss and the Beatles have stood the test of time, still sell albums and still are known. But really, in ten years who will talk of Esmee Denters, Graham Colton or Julianne Hough? Sure, they sell records NOW, but in some years, they will not even be known, spare the rare hit.

The fact is, in the 1900's there was just as much bad music as there is now, just as many one-hit wonders and just as many artists trying to make a name for themselves without having any real talent. The only reason you don't hear about it is because no one cares about them. The hits live on and the musical heroes behind the notes are invincible. The bad music has vanished because no one ever bothered to play that shotty song to their kids. I got into Journey and hair bands through my dad, because it is good music, not because he wanted me to bleed from the eyes due to ridiculous monster ballads. He knew it was good and wanted to share his childhood with me.

Furthermore, N'sync was considered a terrible band by every heterosexual male ever when they were in their prime. Now, not only is it hip to LIKE N'sync, but their songs are considered "classic". This baffles me. This begs the question...how many people hated Michael Jackson when they were growing up...but now, that he is timeless in his on stage stunts and gimmicks, that he became popular past his prime and eventual death just because he was a prevalent force in music when he was renowned by most. That, I believe is what happened with N'sync...in their homosexuality and band's collapse, they gained their previous un-fans because they were popular when we were growing up. Does such constant exposure to them really make them softer on the ears, years later?

Now...this begs the question...who is today's Kiss? Journey? Beatles? it is impossible to tell...truly, it is anyones guess...but let me tell you, they might now be who you expect them to be...

That's all.

Translation. Let's have a party!

I've found a new awesome time waster. It's called Translation Party.
I found time to throw a new one. Translator is called.

Found at TranslationParty.com, it's a nifty little webtool that takes a phrase, such as...

"The quick, brown fox jumped over the lazy dog."

and translates it from English into Japanese and back again until it translates the same in both languages. So the above phrase goes through 19 translations in a few seconds and is turned into

"Rose Brown is currently the lazy brown dog."

Now, that one isn't particularly hilarious but it's interesting to see what mulitple translations does to a phrase, and some CAN be extremely amusing.

Something simple like "Please have yourself a nice day!" goes to "I have a sunny day!"

Not exactly what I meant...but ok.


Or something silly like...

"No, I will not put your banana underwear upon my giraffe's head."

turns into an even sillier...

"No, I do not, he is located on the head of a giraffe wearing underwear, the banana is not."

Try it!

That is my time, enjoy.
It is time for me to enjoy.

"What A Wonderful World" Quick Hits by That Guy

Best Police Report Ever

I officer Candley responded to a complaint from an anonymous person that a white male wearing a bikini was in the parking lot at 1201 Louisville Ave (Hixon Used Cars) masturbating between the two cars.

Upon arrival I made contact with John Hudson who was wearing women’s lingerie and fish net stockings. Hudson stated that he was masturbating in the parking lot and that he had a fetish. I observed between two of the vehicles that were for sale a pink dildo with pubic hairs on it, pornographic magazines, lotion, and women’s clothes.

I made contact with an employee from Hixon Auto Plex who stated that they wanted to press charges for trespassing. (story courtesy of BarStoolSports.com)



HOLY SHIT!!! I guess this kid had a good Labor Day weekend, huh?

What's the big deal here? The kid got a little frisky and he had to get off. He was clearly already dressed to the 9's and when you've got your good lingerie on you can't very well stay indoors to masturbate. I think this guy showed great consideration for those around him by being gracious enough to jerk off between 2 cars.

I thought we lived in America, but apparently it's just Communist Russia. If you can't dress up in fishnets and lingerie in the good old U.S. of A., then where the hell can you??



Peoples' Exhibit 954,385 For Why Courtney Love Should Die

Some people have found Kurt Cobain's posthumous appearance in Guitar Hero 5 a little unsettling -- including his widow, Courtney Love.

In a Twitter tirade for the ages, the former Hole frontwoman announced plans to sue Guitar Hero 5 publisher Activision over the way her late husband was represented in the game

In particular, Love is incensed over the look of Cobain's avatar, which can be used by gamers to play non-Nirvana songs with Cobain lip-synching along. Love insisted she "never signed off on the avatar, let alone this [expletive] feature" and that "there's been four breaches of a very strict contract."

However, according to Activision vice president Tim Riley, working with Love was smooth and easy.

"Courtney supplied us with photos and videos," he told The Guardian. "She picked the wardrobe and hairstyle, which turned out to be the 'Teen Spirit' look, then we went back and forth over changes – some subtle, some not so subtle." (story courtesy of Yahoo!)



You're incensed about how the character looks? Bitch, YOU FUCKING KILLED HIM!!!!! Anybody with 1/4 of a brain knows Kurt Cobain didn't commit suicide and here's just another bit of evidence.

Courtney Love could give a shit about the fact that a well-done likeness of her ex-husband is disgracing his legacy by singing "You Give Love A Bad Name" and rapping like Flavor Flav (check out the video of it on YouTube if you don't believe me). She cares about the fact that there have been "four breaches of a very strict contract." If she's going to make more money off of Kurt Cobain, then GODDAMN IT, it better be according to the contract.

I'm pretty sure Activision wasn't going to take any chances on this and risk losing everything they've built to your money-grabbing, pill-popping ass, so when they say you provided them with videos and photos and helped pick out the wardrobe, I'm taking their word.

Fucking bitch. Do the world a favor and take the same shotgun you killed Kurt with and blow your own brains all over the back of your living room wall.




How About 10 Counts of Being an Awesome Youth Minister?

A youth minister at a Stafford County church was indicted yesterday on charges that she had sexual relations with a 15-year-old boy.

Jennifer Michelle Brennan, 36, of Spotsylvania was charged by a Stafford grand jury with 10 counts of taking indecent liberties with a child and 10 counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

According to court records and sources, Brennan met the boy through her position as youth minister at Saint Matthias United Methodist Church in Stafford. The boy's mother said that among other things, Brennan counseled her son and his girlfriend against premarital sex.

An affidavit for a search warrant states that Brennan began holding and kissing the boy during counseling sessions, and the acts later escalated to sodomy and sexual intercourse.

"She is a predator and she preyed on my son," the boy's mother said. "I just hope she didn't prey on anybody else's son." (story courtesy of Fredericksburg.com)



Preyed on your son??? Lady, your son is 15 with a girlfriend; 100 bucks says he fucks her more times in a week than your husband slides it in you in a month.

And why is everybody jumping on Mrs. Brennan here for messing around with this kid? The first few paragraphs tell the whole story; she's a youth minister and gave the boy and his girlfriend a speech about the dangers of premarital sex. How the fuck is she supposed to know if her words had any effect if she doesn't try to penetrate the kid's abstinence defenses?

If anything, she should be given an award for going above and beyond the call of duty. It's one thing to give speeches and preach all this crap about living a good, honest, pure life. It's another to follow through and make damn sure those words rang true in the hearts of those who heard them.

If you ask me, we need more chicks like Jen Brennan around to straighten out America's misguided youth. Or at the bare minimum let them know what anal feels like.

White Support Groups by Garrett R.

After nearly a month's absence from the blog I will not hesitate to piss people off...after all...it is what I live for. It is even the reason I was gone so long. I was far too busy angering others.

[sarcasm]So...I am going to start a White Support Group(WSG). Yes. I said it. Every minority I can think of has multiple support groups: Blacks, Hispanics, Gays ...furthermore, there are even more groups that exist to only certain exclusive individuals such and the Baker's Guild or Alcoholics Anonymous. Even worse are the events that proclaim such biased and regrettably supported beliefs; for instance, Gay Pride Parades, church, Black History Month and the Special Olympics. [/sarcasm]

Of course, I am being very sarcastic and am totally joking...I fully support anyone to be what they want to be or to express themselves as who they are. My point is, I do not know of a single group that strictly supports Caucasians. There are interviews with black men saying that they would not support the creation of a WSG because "the majority can support itself as a whole."

As a whole? Yes. But what about individually? I live in southern Wisconsin where my college is only 45 minutes from Milwaukee. Now, everyone in Wisconsin knows that southern Wisconsin has a greater culture variety than anywhere else in the state. The chances of a white gang laying the smack down on some unsuspecting man of color is the same as the same thing happen to the Caucasian sort. If a black man has a specific group to go to, to be counseled. Why can't a white man have the same right? Because it is considered racist to create a group that suggests that hate crimes are not a one way street. A person is a person no matter what, correct? So why create such a double standard?

I guarantee that more than half of the people attending such therapy or other sorts of group sessions have PERSONAL experiences with discrimination, rape or any other PERSONAL reasons that could leave behind some PERSONAL trauma. Take note that I left the group support with less than half of the population, you know, the people who are there because they want to be, not because they have to be. What baffles me is not that people need help, but that skin color has any effect on the mind whatsoever. I am guilty of this, I know I am. It isn't that I think less of anyone, it is that a first impression is always what we see, not what we hear. Light travels faster than sound. Regardless, a white man assaulting you, should make no difference than a black man assaulting you. Rape victims often cannot have black therapists because a black man raped them...it works both ways...this however, is not my point. My point is, that the therapist is not the same person that raped you (in most occurrences)...so why should it matter? You let one person represent their whole race? To fear all white men, because you happened to be assaulted by a white man once upon a time, is sad, it is shallow, it is appalling.

A recent "hot topic" has been women being fire fighters. If the woman is physically able to lift me (a 280 pound, 6'2" individual) down the stairs and to safety than fine. Great. But if the woman is featherlight and unable, I think I would just die to save myself the flamey humiliatition that I would receive from squishing her before getting ashed. This is entirely different...this is talking about being able to do your job. A black man and a white man, despite pigment, can probably do each others job if they were given the exact same traits at birth. It makes no difference.

If some need support, everyone should be granted an unbiased atmosphere. A place where everyone goes, no matter your skin tone. One location for everyone. That is what civil rights and liberties are for. To make and show everyone as an equal. A man is not determined by what he is at sight, but what he does is his life. No one should get special treatment. No one.

And if the special treatment must continue? Then yes, I do believe that a WSG should not be frowned upon. If you are a fully capable and matured person, you should be able to handle that.

And for the record, I am going into Special Education and have a sibling with Autism...I have nothing against people with disabilities. It was purely satirical and while not necessary, was still used to prove a point. Also, I never meant to be racist, if anything is a little offending please email us so we can review the content.

That's all.

STFU STOOPID NOOB...or not. by Kyle W.

When it comes to video games, I'm like Bobby Brown to coke, a tenth grader to porn, or Paris Hilton to stupidity. Addicted. This Live Action trailer gave me wood, and it really gives me the hope that a Halo movie could be off the hook.

The new Halo 3: ODST game coming out Sept. 22nd is like a big rock of joy for me. But of course, it's going to be marred by fanboys who will forever contend that Xbox 360 sucks or that Halo is nothing compared to Call of Duty.

Well guess what. No one should care. EVER. About something so stupid. Video games are something so revolutionary that some older people can't even wrap their minds around it. We're playing simulations of life, games that aren't much more than thumb and index finger exercisers. Video games is a BILLION dollar industry that made more money last year than Hollywood. In 20 years, games have gone from two paddles and a ball to enormous immersing universes with enthralling stories, landscapes so defined that it puts Earth to shame, and characters so deep they create real life emotional attachments. It's undoubtedly an art form, albeit with a different fanbase than Van Gogh or Beethoven.

So when I get on Xbox Live (my gamertag is nightwing1191 by the way) to play Halo 3 or Call of Duty 5 (Holy shit, I play both), it chaps my ass to hear "NOOB HALO SUCKS CoD is BETTER GET A LIFE" or "FUCK CALL OF DUTY, I'D BEAT YOUR ASS IN HALO."

It. Doesn't. Matter. Why can't we be happy with what we have? If you don't like a game, don't play it. If you see a commercial for a game you hate, change the channel. Don't read news about it. Ignore it. It's possible. Bush did it when Katrina hit. America does it to the rest of the world. We have so many options, so many games, so many systems, that getting angry about what game is better should be grounds for immediate dismissal from the gene pool. Be thankful that video games are mainstream, that hundreds of companies want to make games for us, and that you are economically endowed enough to afford to play.

...

Another poignant point. Stop insulting people for being bad at games. I suck at Call of Duty right now because I just bought it today. But I also don't go in talking like I'm MLG at it. I know I suck, and I am learning to get better. all the elitist pricks out there that must always talk shit in every single game lobby about how you got 50 kills in a match (especially when they're "high" which to me seems weird that 1 in 4 so called amazing players is high all the time) should also do the only sensible thing and put a bullet in their face.

I'll say this though. I know sometimes I gloat, sometimes I get angry, sometimes I make fun of bad players. But I never do it over the mic and especially not in person. All that comes from that is new players not having fun playing video games and quitting. Be mad on your own time.

If someone talks a big game but can't back it up though, by all rights, lay into them. Insult their mom if you want. They deserve it for not knowing when to shut the fuck up.

That's my time.

---

Add-On

As I said, my gamertag is Nightwing1191. Add me! I play games such as...

Madden 2010
Call of Duty: World at War
Halo 3 (and ODST soon)
Left 4 Dead
Peggle
PGR 4
Gears of War 2

and plenty others.

Game on.

HEADLINE: Chick Steals Case of Beer With Her Vagina by "That Guy"

ZACHARY, La. – Grocery store cameras caught the woman taking a 24-can case of beer from a cooler, exposing the 20-pound case between her thighs by pulling up her housedress, pulling her dress back down, and waddling out of the store. But it took a while to identify and find her.

Lisa Newsome, 42, of Baker, didn't deny anything when she was arrested Monday, said Capt. David McDavid of the Zachary Police Department.

"She wanted to demonstrate it ..." he said. "I told her, no thanks, I wasn't into that."

She was booked into the East Baton Rouge Parish Prison on a theft charge, he said.

"We weighed a case," he said. "It was 20 pounds."

The theft was Aug. 22. McDavid said police learned the woman's identity last week and located her Monday afternoon.



I almost passed out when I stumbled across this story. It's mind-boggling on so many levels.

First, what the fuck is with this chick? Using your cooch to carry a case of beer out of a store? How does one even get the idea that they want to try that? Call me crazy, but I am certainly glad Lisa Newsome did take the time to hone this necessary life skill. So many women in today's world are so caught up in making sure their hair looks perfect and their skin has no wrinkles that they forget to keep the meat curtains in good shape. Dudes are simple creatures; they'll overlook a few split ends and blackheads if you've got your lady parts in tip-top shape. I don't know what this chick looks like and I don't care; the bottom line is she's got a pussy that just won't quit and that's always a good thing.

Second, is this cop fucking kidding? No thanks? You're not into that?? He has to be gay, right? When a chick offers to show you her amazing vaginal gift, you don't turn that down. I don't care if the interview is being taped or not, this demonstration is something I'm getting a front row seat for 25 hours a day, 8 days a week (and no, those aren't typos).

It's bad enough your parents named you David McDavid; with a name like that you better have Denzel Washington's facial structure to pull tail, otherwise free peaks at vaginas are probably hard to come by. In this situation, you have to be smart and realize that she didn't shove the whole case up in there, she used her vag to carry the 20-pound case of beer. She's got a lean, mean, cock-handling machine down there and it's downright un-American to refuse a demo. At the very least it's breaking a man law.

Let this be a lesson to all you ladies out there who aren't paying enough attention to your vaginal strength. Next time your at the gym, don't be afraid to spend 5 fewer minutes on the elliptical and knock out a few sets of pussy crunches. Your boyfriend will thank you later.

You don't deserve it by Kyle W.

Football season is here once again. Which means a few things.

1. The rabid football fans all finally get to watch 22 men try and kill each other every Sunday, Monday, and sometimes Thursday.

2. Lots of gambling.

3. The yearly dose of first round draft picks holding out for more money.

Now, subscribe to number 1. I love football.

Two is a moot point. Don't care.

But number 3 is...enraging.

As a first round draft pick, you haven't done shit. You haven't scored an NFL touchdown, or made a highlight, or even taken a snap. All that stuff you did in college? Doesn't mean anything. That was college football, and as popular as it is, it's nothing compared to the competition level of the pros.

Someone like Michael Crabtree holding out for more money makes me sick. Crabtree not only hasn't played a snap of football, but he also missed the draft workouts because of injury. So here's his credentials.

...

Yup.

Andre Smith, the Bengals rookie offensive lineman who was the most recent first-round holdout to sign his deal, broke his foot today, two days after he joined the team.

Now, I feel bad for the Bengals. First this do-nothing holds out, then they give him way too much money for no proven skill set, and then he breaks his foot and now he's even more worthless than before. In fact, Smith was on his way to sliding out of the first round because of his flabby body and worse attitude until Cincy couldn't afford to pass on him.

NFL rookies sign ridiculous contracts every season, with every increasing bonuses that give them enough cash to buy their own island.

Players who have NEVER PLAYED ONE SINGLE DOWN OF PRO FOOTBALL gain enough influence to basically use playground bully tactics to get teams to pay ludicrous sums before they’ll even report to practice. And every time a team gives in to these demands and award these huge contracts, the next team that drafts a high pick is basically FORCED to do the same if not increase the amount.

The NFL should put a cap on rookie contracts. It would save us weeks of this bullshit.

I don’t understand why Commissioner Roger Goodell can invent 3,000 rules to govern the way players celebrate a touchdown and conduct their personal lives and not make a move to limit the disturbing growth of holdouts and idiot rookie players looking for a payday without working a day for it.

And another thing. Why did we have to ban touchdown dances? Sure, when props started getting involved it was a little much. But moves like the Dirty Bird, the Ickey Shuffle, Ochocinco's River Dance, or D. McNabb's Moonwalk were fun and most of all entertaining. Considering the only reason players get paid so much is because they entertain us, the public. We pay the ticket prices and merchandise costs, and they play and we yell and scream and forget about the trials and tribulations of our lives for a few hours. Sometimes I feel like everyone forgets that.

That's my time. Enjoy.

Haha, He Said "Douche" by "That Guy"

So there's a chick playing tennis on ESPN right now whose last name is Dushevina, pronounced DOUCHE-uh-VEE-nuh.

I don't really have a joke or a comment to go with that. That's just fucking hilarious.

HEADLINE: CT Guy Gets Drunk & Wanders Into his Neighbor's House by "That Guy"

STRATFORD, Conn. – Police charged a man with burglary and disorderly conduct after he allegedly wandered into a neighbor's home, stripped off his clothes and fell asleep in a 6-year-old's bed. A man, 26, was arrested early Sunday after a child in a house woke his parents to tell them a man was asleep in his bed. When officers arrived, the residents were screaming for help from a second-floor window.

Officers said the man's clothes, which smelled of urine and alcohol, had been dropped on the floor. They said the man admitted drinking at a New Haven club but denied he was in the wrong house.

The suspect was released on bond and is scheduled to appear in court Sept. 1. (story courtesy of the AP)



CT IN THE HOUSE, BITCHES!!!! Literally. One thing everybody is going to have to get used to is me writing about any story involved my home state. And when it's a story with this many holes and sketchy details in it, you can bet both ass cheeks I'm bringing the heat.

Let's start at the beginning. Any time the word "allegedly" comes up in a police report, that to me is a red flag that everything in the story could be bullshit. There's nothing alleged about committing burglary; you either broke in or you didn’t. And this story clearly states this unnamed dude "wandered" into his neighbor's house. Repeat, he wandered, not burglarized. Nothing anywhere about broken windows, smashed locks, or doors kicked in.

Next, what about this guy's conduct was disorderly? He obviously came into the house pretty fucking quietly considering the kid woke his parents up the next morning. Disorderly would be falling down the stairs and knocking grandma's old end table over. If you ask me, this guy was pretty considerate.

And why is everybody holed up on the second floor screaming for their lives?? If the guy was dangerous and wanted to fuck your son, rob you, murder you, and burn the house down he would have. He's just trying to sleep off the hangover he got from tying one on so show some compassion and shut the fuck up.

I love everything about how this guy handled the situation. He clearly knew he was too drunk to drive and probably out of money from being at the bar, so he did the responsible thing and walked home. He knew he had to get to bed to be up and ready for work the next morning and since he wasn't sleeping in his bed and didn’t want to make the bed smell bad with his piss pants so he took them off.

And then the next day when he knew he was in the wrong house, he still fought the good fight and maintained innocence. He was like Rocky fighting against Drago, just refusing to go down to the onslaught this family and police tried to put on him. This guy shouldn't be appearing in court on September 1, he should be given a fucking key to the city and then teach a "How To Get Blitzkrieg Hammered Drunk Properly" 101 class to all college students.

If I were him, I would move out of that neighborhood pronto. If you can't count on your neighbors to let you crash at their place when you're wasted and snuggle up next to their son, what can you count on them for?

You Put the Beer Bong Where??? by "That Guy"

I read a story today about how kids are starting to experiment with drugs at a younger and younger age today, and how creative they're getting with their ways to conceal the drugs and use them. Some of these new methods include making smoking pipes out of highlighters and lipstick cases, snorting vodka, soaking tampons in liquor, and doing anal beer bongs.

Yep, you heard right folks, anal beer bongs. Jesus Fucking Christ, I thought I was slick back in the days when I was 16 for smoking weed out of a makeshift bowl made from a Bic pen and some tin foil and popping Keystone Lights in my friend's basement when his parents were asleep. Today's teenagers have stepped the underage drinking game to a whole new level with the anal beer bongs though. I've been sitting here trying to figure out the physics of it and I'm still coming up empty. How the fuck can doing a beer bong through your ass be beneficial to your level of intoxication or your anal well being? Not to mention the fact that it has to be a pretty big fucking buzzkill to your party to walk out to the back porch to grab a beer and see your best friend with his cheeks spread and a thick plastic tube up his ass.

I don't understand the need for all this creativity and secrecy by today's teens. From what I read in the papers, it sure as shit doesn't seem like parents are any smarter today than they were 8 years ago. I got away with underage drinking the easiest way possible: find out where the adults weren't on a Friday night, and drink there. In the world of underage drinking, the K.I.S.S. rule still applies: Keep It Simple, Stupid. Don't risk tearing your fucking rectum into shreds with an improperly-placed beer bong and ending up with a can of Natty Ice swimming around somewhere in your butt.

And if you're a chick, the "vodka-soaked tampon up the pussy" plan can't possibly work out well either. Shove too many of things up there and you're bound to rip your vaginal wall somewhere and then you've got floods of booze flowing directly into your bloodstream. Before you know it, you're making Lindsay Lohan driving home from an L.A. bar look like a walk in the park. And when you end up roofied and raped at the end of the night, no grief counselor anywhere is going to be able to keep a straight face when you explain that your pussy was drunk on that fateful night.

On the positive side, though, if jamming these things up your cooch makes you drunk enough to find me attractive, than I am fully on-board with this new revolutionary tactic by America's youth.

Damn You, Dolphins. You and Your Damned Splashing by "That Guy"

CHICAGO (Reuters) – A woman is suing a Chicago-area zoo for a 2008 fall near a dolphin exhibit, accusing zookeepers of encouraging the mammals to splash water and then failing to protect spectators from wet surfaces, local media reported on Thursday.

In her suit filed earlier this week, Allecyn Edwards said she was injured while walking near an exhibit at Brookfield Zoo, where a group of Atlantic bottlenose dolphins were performing, media said.

Officials "recklessly and willfully trained and encouraged the dolphins to throw water at the spectators in the stands, making the floor wet and slippery," but failed to post warning signs or lay down protective mats or strips, the suit said, according to the reports.

Edwards is demanding more than $50,000 for lost wages, medical expenses and emotional trauma from the Chicago Zoological Society and the Forest Preserve District of Cook County, which operate the zoo in Chicago's southwest suburbs. (story courtesy of Yahoo! News)



Enter this as Exhibit 1,256,784,562,134,850 supporting the argument that women will never run the world. Hillary Clinton starts crying to try to get votes, Sarah Palin makes us all think twice about whether or not we really need Alaska in the Union, Heidi Montag does something at the Miss Universe pageant that I can't even describe, Jane Doe gets a dude fired for showing her how he grips his putter, and now Allecyn Edwards sues the zoo for letting their animals act naturally.

You know, as awesomely as this week started with the big family feud in Alabama, I'm giving serious consideration to going back to Germany and applying for citizenship. This isn't your office you're walking around at, lady, it's the fucking zoo. If you need a "Caution: Wet Floor" sign out near the dolphin tank to remind you that there's going to be water on the ground, then just stay home and watch Animal Planet to get your fix of God's creatures.

Of course the trainers "willfully" encourage dolphins to splash people in the crowd. How else would they get people to come watch the show. No one goes on whale watches and trips to Sea World to watch the things swim around and eat fish and krill, they want to see some action. Splashing is what puts asses in the seats, but I've never seen an aquatic-themed show where by the end of it there were asses on the ground due to wet conditions.

And $50,000 of lost wages, medical expenses, and EMOTIONAL TRAUMA?? Did this bitch slip and fall while walking around on stilts breaking up with her boyfriend over the phone? Give me a fucking break, lady. Wear some sneakers with grip on them the next time you venture out to the zoo, and throw some elbow pads and a crash helmet on just in case. And if you fall down, swallow your pride, accept the fact that you’re a klutz, and get the fuck back up.

And spell your name right. Allecyn, my ass.

HEADLINE: Dude Fired for Showing a Chick his "Driver" by "That Guy"

(SEATTLE, WA)- The director of Snohomish County Planning and Development Services was fired last week after an independent investigation found that he had exposed himself to a woman during a golf tournament in June.

According to the report, Ladiser drank two drink glasses of Jack Daniel's after he arrived at the Golf Club at Redmond Ridge and continued to drink heavily as he played in a foursome that included Michael Pattison, government-affairs manager for the Master Builders.

Witnesses said two nearby golfers were discussing tee length and one, the woman identified in the investigation as Jane Doe, held up a tee to Ladiser's foursome. Ladiser then walked up to the woman, unzipped his pants and said something to the effect of "I'll show you the size of my tee," the report says.

Sam Anderson, executive officer for the Master Builders Association, said Pattison contacted Ladiser the following day. Ladiser said he had no memory of the incident. Ladiser then called Anderson.

"He was very apologetic, very remorseful," said Anderson, who said Ladiser acknowledged that he had a drinking problem and said he planned to seek treatment.

Ladiser e-mailed Jane Doe on June 29. He said, "I have just heard of something that happened last Wednesday. I want to say with all my heart that I am truly sorry for what I did and assure you it will not happen again. I am seeking counseling immediately and will tender my resignation at the County. I have no excuses for the behavior. I am truly sorry."

When the woman learned that Ladiser had not resigned, but rather requested a leave to deal with "family issues," she contacted County Executive Aaron Reardon and detailed the alleged incident. (story courtesy of the Seattle Times)



Did I miss something here? Doesn't it clearly state in this story that the alleged incident occurred in June? I'm no lawyer, but I'm pretty sure the statute of limitations for something like this had expired by the time this tattle-tale bitch ratted out Mr. Ladiser to the authorities.

I'm also almost positive that when the U.S. Constitution mentions protecting "unalienable rights," it's referring to any guy's right to get shitfaced drunk at the golf course and whip his dick out. That would really be my only motivation for ever going to a golf course since any real man knows golf is a pussy sport, but that's neither here nor there. The point is, Mr. Ladiser was only doing what Tommie Jefferson and Benny Franklin were intending him to do when they drafted the most important document in our nation's history.

Not to mention the fact that Ladiser had already had 2 glasses of Jack Daniel's, TWO!!! When you're throwing back JD like a maniac everybody knows you can't be held accountable for your actions; just like T-Pain said, you gotta blame it on the al-al-al-al-al-alcohol.

If anybody is in the wrong here, it's this Jane Doe bitch. If you're going to stand around a drunkass dude talking and you serve up a softball like "is this tee big enough?", you can't expect him to not knock that out of the park. If you're out on the links with your dykey friends because your husband doesn't find you attractive anymore, don't start complaining when dudes flash their junk at you. Just be thankful you even remember what a penis looks like.

Did anybody ever even stop to think if maybe Ladiser did actually have a tee in his pants? Huh? Anybody?? Maybe he was wearing old khakis with a hole in the pocket and knew some tees had slipped out. He could have seen the tee that Jane Doe held up, and knowing it wasn't big enough, tried to help her out by letting her borrow one of his. Now he loses his membership to the golf club AND his job over this? ERRONEOUS!! ERRONEOUS ON BOTH COUNTS!!!

HEADLINE: Redneck Throwdown in Alabama by "That Guy"

MARION, Ala. – Two Alabama families that had been fighting for years turned their feud into a full-scale riot Monday outside a small-town city hall, with up to 150 screaming people hurling tire irons and wielding baseball bats. Eight people were arrested, and at least four were hurt, Trooper John Reese said. Two were taken to hospitals. The town's police chief was hit in the head with a crowbar but was OK.

The two- or three-year-old feud apparently prompted a fight earlier in the day at a high school, after a window was shot out of a home Sunday night. Then, "all hell broke loose" later in the day, said Sgt. Carlton Hogue of the Perry County Sheriff's Department.

"It was a full-scale riot is what it was," said Tony Long, mayor of the town of 3,300 about 85 miles west of Montgomery.

Hogue said the rioters were "throwing jack irons, throwing tire irons, anything they could get their hands on." Some people carried baseball bats and brooms....Police called in reinforcements from surrounding cities. Some officers wore riot gear, and many planned to stay overnight to help maintain order.

Judson College, a church-affiliated women's school with about 300 students in downtown Marion, issued an alert asking students to stay out of the downtown area for 24 hours as a precaution. (story courtesy of the AP)



Step aside, Capulets and Montagues. Back of the line, Hatfields and McCoys. These 2 families know how to throw down. I thought having a window shot out down in Alabama was just an every-day occurrence, but apparently that's how motherfuckers get jack irons and tire irons thrown at them down in the dirty-dirty.

And does anybody know what the difference between a jack iron and a tire iron is? And why the fuck did these 2 families have so many irons at their disposal? Are they NASCAR pit crews or something?

The papers can say whatever they want, but everybody knows this was much longer in the making than just 2 or 3 years. Somebody says something about somebody else's mother, who is actually Hank's cousin and sister at the same time, and Hank up and calls out Billy Ray for sleeping with his ex's father's sister, Tammy, back in 1995 and before you know it you've got a battle royale taking place at City Hall, police chiefs getting concussed, and the National Guard getting called in to restore order. It's redneck drama 101: when everybody is related to everybody else, there's bound to be issues aplenty.

All I know is, if I was one of the 300 people unlucky enough to be attending Judson College, my ass would have been sitting front row on the city hall steps with a bag of Baked Lays and 6-pack of Bud Ice taking in the action. What the fuck else are those kids supposed to do for entertainment in fucking Marion, Alabama??!! If school officials were more in tune with what was going on in the town they could have sold tickets to this thing and raised some money for a party for their graduating seniors so they wouldn't have to have the ceremony in someone's backyard again.

It's stories like this that bring a tear to my eye and make me want to stand up and sing the National Anthem. America, Fuck Yeah!

Allow Myself to Introduce...Myself by "That Guy"

Before I shock your system with my sick flow and quick wit, I figured it was only fair to give you, dear readers, a crash course in who I am.

My name is Brad, I'm 23 years old, I'm an East Coaster still adjusting to life in Wisconsin, and most people who know me would probably call me a prick. But they also might call me a funny dude (assuming I paid them enough). I was recruited by Kyle to write for WaxonYDB because apparently he and Garrett were drunk enough one night to think the shit I wrote on Facebook was funny (feel free to check it out if you'd like to agree or disagree with them).

I'm going to state openly and honestly that I'm not here to provide any thought-provoking ideals, controversial viewpoints, or good-natured humor. I'll leave that to K-Dawg and G-Money since that is clearly what they excel at. The fact of the matter is that most of what I write about on this site will fall under the "other junk" category and I'm just fine with that.

I'm rude, I'm crude, I'm sarcastic, I'm cynical, and I tend to toe the lines of bad taste when I'm not busy leaping over them. But goddamn it, I think the world is a funny place and I find humor in pretty much everything that happens in it. Sure it's sick, twisted humor, but I don't see anything wrong with that, and if you have a sense of humor and are smart enough to realize that 98.747583% of what I write isn't written to be serious then you won't see anything wrong with it either.

I'll take the plunge right now and encourage any and all readers who have any reaction whatsoever to anything I write to contact via Facebook (I'm the only Brad Vietrogoski on there) or email me at bradvietro@yahoo.com. If you love it, hate it, or are turned on by it, let me know.

I'm thankful to Garrett and Kyle for giving me this chance and bringing me on board and I'm looking forward to hopefully helping everybody take life a little less seriously.

"Rant" by Garrett R

Another storm, another rain dropped,
dreary and beautiful, my symphony...
Another life, another heart stopped,
tragedy and tears, what irony...

Another banner, another flag in the breeze,
pride, hope and dreams, forever waves...
Another war, are soldiers proud on their knees?
just slaves, digging their own graves...

Another beginning, means yet another end,
tell them a story, so that they might sleep...
Another broken, another one to mend,
and if you're lucky, they won't hear you weep...

Another heart, another dream,
you don't know yourself, don't wish for another...
Another family, torn at the seam,
bullet to mother, knife through brother...

Another line, another hole in the wall,
the doors creak open, the doors slam shut,
Maybe once, you can give it your all?
they locked you in...now what?

Another soul, another body trapped,
imagine your way out that gate...
Another smile, another triumph,
gone and destroyed, by your hate...

Ha

Plaxico Burress gets 2 years in jail for shooting himself in the leg....lol.

Dear Female Movie Villains,

Please, Please stop being so sexy. I am supposed to hate you...See? I'm wearing a Batman shirt...I want HIM to win...at least, that's what they want me to think...

Is it wrong that I go to movies just to watch Megan Fox or Famke Janssen? Actually, I think it is exactly why they are in the movie to being with...well, it's more like I know it rather than think it. It's simple sex appeal. Sure guys, we aren't always superficial when looking at actual options, but when an actress like Sarah Michelle Gellar walks in the room, who cares? We won't ever date her nor probably have any time at all to make an impression, thus, we use our minds and imagine having someone as seductive as the seductive actress from Cruel Intentions. And it doesn't really help that she goes onto mack on the girl she is guiding into the ground, actress Selma Blair.

But why, WHY!!??!! Are the villains always hot. I am yet to see one villain who is ugly, deformed or morbidly obese who is ACTUALLY evil...turns out the ugly mofo was just misunderstood and beat up in school so you end of feeling sorry for her before she gets her fat splattered into the ocean by a ships propeller. Then you cry, because you see yourself in the fat, dead woman sinking to the bottom of the sea. Turns out, she was the protagonist all along...and there you were cheering for the opposing force, the Hot actress that you thought was justice, is now evil and seducing the captain. Then there is a sequel. And even if the actress that plays the fatty has no 'good, but actually evil' counterpart, they typically make you feel bad for wishing for her demise in the end...sad music, tears, slow motions of the light leaving her eyes...etc.

Poison Ivy, Cat Woman, SuperWoman...even in comic books we have sex stamped in it early on. WE ARE BRED LIKE THIS!!! WE FEED ON SEXY EVILNESS...if I had to pick, I would be a bad guy, see, the good heroines are sexy, but also clean cut, they want to make sure they are ready for a committed relationship, so they will tease you insanely until you finally cave and turn into a bad guy anyways...but not the cool kind of bad guy like I want to be...more like...the in jail for sexual harassment kind of bad guy that becomes the inmates "girlfriend".
Furthermore, if I was a bad guy, I could at least get some action on the side and my god, it would pretty hot, if I do say so myself.

Last night, I went to see Harry Potter 6. It was good, kind of what I expected. But...I also read the books and hated Bellatrix Lestrange...turns out, she's hawt too! When Hermione and Tonks aren't on screen I can only wish that Bella will come back.

So please, create a little balance...create a woman worthy of Frankenstein's prom date and please...please...don't have her shave or anything...she has to be hairy and grotesque...but then maybe we'd feel bad for her? I don't know. Just...there has to be something that can be done...eh...just saw Poison Ivy...fine...let's keep it the way it is...

Peace...

Garrett R

Study: Facebook makes lovers jealous by Garrett R

Article by Chris Matyszczyk
Brief Analysis/ Expanding by Garrett Radant

It's easily done, that slide into the Facebook face-plant.

You casually slip onto your lover's Facebook page and see that his or her status has been changed from "in a relationship" to "single."

Perhaps you'd had a fight. Perhaps he or she was pressing you for a commitment, a press that you responded to with the wrong words or the wrong tone. Or perhaps you saw that your lover seemed to have a new special friend, one who delighted in commenting on every one of your lover's new photos.

Suddenly, there it all is: love destroyed by a few strokes, not of another's body but rather of a keyboard.

Some social psychologists at the University of Guelph in Ontario would like you to know that they can prove that your heartbreak is largely Facebook's fault, or rather that the fault lies in the fact that Facebook exists. After a little research, the wise brains penned a study entitled "More Information than You Ever Wanted: Does Facebook Bring Out the Green-Eyed Monster of Jealousy?"

And in their minds was the question of whether the social-networking thing enhances lovers' relationships or perhaps tugs at their essentially brittle strings, unraveling them like a cheap sundress.

It seems to be the latter. In preliminary findings, published in CyberPsychology and Behavior, the researchers found grim tales of lovers torn asunder.

Look, for example, at these words of woe from one Facebooker. Referring to his lover, he says, "I have enough confidence in her to know my partner is faithful, yet I can't help but second-guess myself when someone posts on her wall...It can contribute to feelings of you not really 'knowing' your partner."

***
My bit:

I have to say, this article is...FABULOUS. Especially being a guy, let's face it, guys are typically the more jealous species when compared to women. The truth is, that guys know exactly what things other males like and the basic 'moves' on how to get those things.

More often than I like...I check certain people's profile on my own Facebook account. I hate it when the girl I like uses this: <3, when talking to some other guy. I feel immediately inferior and find myself having to talk to her again to regain confidence, that I am on top of the metaphorical food chain. She isn't doing anything wrong, I would never tell her to stop...but I also remember how I felt as a guy when I got her first message with a little heart on it. Made me think...maybe she likes me...I like her...well I do now because she is cute and gave me the "little clue" with that heart...doesn't she have a boyfriend? Is she having second-thoughts? It's the way many minds work. When people show interest, they get it in return, because most people explore options, when the option confronts them.
No one says:

"I am so happy that Astronaut School accepted me, I have always wanted to be in space (goes on for 3 days straight about gazing and constellations and ends with...) but I think I will be a coal miner.
Two things...I was clever there, astronaut and coal miner are the exact opposites, one goes into the earth, one goes as far away from it as we can. Neat, huh?
The other point, coal miner probably never confronted this person as a job opportunity... so why would the person ever think about it? They wouldn't. And that is my point...

It goes the same way with love interest. Girl shows interest in guy, guy shows it back, vice versa.

But seriously...

It drives me nuts. I am not jealous, I also have my fair share of confidence. However, I have also been hurt, no one likes that feeling. No one. Who likes second best, when you could have won first? Sure, you might have reasons for being okay with 2nd or 3rd...your friend won or you weren't planning on doing great to begin with...but really, bigger the trophy, the less you have to sound compensating with sorry excuses...

What can be done? Nothing as a whole. Facebook isn't going anywhere all that fast and frankly, neither is the hellhole that is love. Just kidding, love is...erm...awesome(ly bad).
Anyways, individually, you can talk to your left hand and let it know that what you say on facebook does not hurt what you two do together...as a couple with someone else, just be mature and LET THE SMALL THINGS GO. If things get out of control, just talk, do NOT break up over facebook and do NOT use those damned little heart to anyone but your significant other...that drives me nuts.

Later.

Garrett R.

Running on Empty by Kyle W.

I think I want to work for a TV company. Not as an executive. Not as a cameraman or even a TV personality. Please, PLEASE let me work as the guy that comes up with new shows.

Why? Why give up my already extremely rewarding career as a video game liaison for Best Buy? Because we have officially run out of ideas for television shows.

I've come to this horrific realization just now. As in many American homes, my TV was on, even though nobody was watching. I'm far too busy surfing the internet for YouTube videos of cats falling asleep to get up and find the remote to turn it off. So I look up and see what program is on. And what do I find but a show about a collection of funny video clips. Not America's Funniest Videos either. It's a clip show about videos that are ON THE INTERNET.

Why do I want to watch a TV show about internet videos? We have this thing called YouTube which actually allows us to watch what we want instead of whatever half-funny garbage they can find and get rights to play. That show is as fucking stupid as watching a TV show about paint drying or grass growing. Oh wait, that's This Old House. And the kicker is, they direct you to their website at the end of the show to see more. So I'm watching a TV show about internet videos that you can find on their website that they got off YouTube in the first place.

And even the "good" shows on TV are only rehashed versions of old ideas. Take one of the more popular cartoons of today, Spongebob Squarepants. Now, I'm sure the scripts are somewhat original and they do genuinely have funny moments. However, I feel that their formula is familiar. In fact it's the same exact formula as Rocko's Modern Life.

Strange main character? Check. Anthropomorphic wallaby, Anthropomorphic sea sponge
Dopey, fat best friend? Check. Heffer Wolfe and Patrick Star
Irritable next door neighbor? Check again. Grouchy Mr. Bighead and grumpy Squidward.
A boss that has an interesting way to hire employees? Check. Mr. Dupette and Mr. Krabs.

And then there's Grey's Anatomy, a tweened out ER.
Lost, which is just Gilligan's Island as a drama.
And do I really have to say anything about the disgusting influx of reality TV?

Even shows I enjoy aren't really that original.

House is the exact same show every time, much like how Perry Mason and Matlock were. It was not about what happened, but how it happened.

So if a TV executive happens to read this, hire me! I have actually GOOD ideas for TV shows that aren't recycled or just contests about singing.

Now, of course, I will explain some of those ideas I mentioned, but for now I leave you with a challenge to come up with a unique idea for a TV series.

Yawning...Should you be behind bars? --by Garrett Radant

(As seen on the AOL Homepage)

(Aug. 10) -- As Clifton Williams sat in the courtroom in Joliet, Ill., awaiting his cousin's sentencing on drug charges, little did he know he would soon be the one in jail.

As Judge Daniel Rozak sentenced Williams' cousin to two years probation, Williams yawned, an act that earned him six months in jail on contempt charges, the Chicago Tribune reported.

Skip over this content

Courtesy Will County Sheriff

A judge sentenced Clifton Williams to six months in jail on contempt-of-court charges after he yawned during his cousin's trial. A spokesman for the court said Williams attempted to disrupt the proceedings with his yawn.

Skip over this content

Williams' father said he was "flabbergasted" by the sentence, the maximum issued for a contempt charge without a jury trial. "It seems to me like a yawn is an involuntary action," Clifton Williams Sr. told the newspaper.

The court disagreed. While Rozak did not comment on the charges, a state's attorney's office spokesman, Chuck Pelkie, said Williams did not let out a "simple" yawn. "It was a loud and boisterous attempt to disrupt the proceedings," he said.

According to the Tribune, Rozak is particularly fierce on courtroom decorum, issuing contempt-of-court charges at the highest rate of any judge in the county. The broad discretion of judges to control their courts has prompted Rozak to file contempt charges against people for everything from swearing to not silencing their cell phones.

However, some of the people Rozak assigned harsh sentences to were shown leniency if they apologized.

Williams will have to serve as least 21 days, the Tribune reported, and he has been locked up since July 23. In a letter to his family, Williams wrote, "I really can't believe I'm in jail."

For more on the story, read the Chicago Tribune.

***

My bit: What the hell? So...if I yawn, even during an important meeting, I deserve to go to jail?

Even if I yawn VERY LOUD AND ANNOYINGLY...Even if I MEANT to ruin the situation...do the people in charge have that little of an attention span to not just move on? Lame. Seriously.

Jail time for a yawn, something you cannot control without knowing what the consequences are.

Congratulations America. Rapists and Murderers walk the streets, and YOU arrest a serial yawner. Way to effing go. You really make me proud.

[sarcasm]You know the country you live in is effed up if people are going free after doing casual things like yawning...when the rapists get put behind bars...I'm so happy America is normal in it's justice system.[/sarcasm]

Jeez...I can't even think...their mind-boggling stupidity is blinding my insight.

Screw you guys.

DON'T PEE! It's a felony.

Garrett R.

Weather is terrible...

It should really decide what it wants to do...cold and rainy or hot and sunny...none of this hot,l humid, sunny, overcast stuff...

What is the difference between partly-sunny and partly-cloudy...?



Attitude.

News Flash

It is way too fucking humid right now.

Your soul is stained... by Kyle W

Fact: I have a new girlfriend.

Fact: She's amazing and wonderful and beautiful.

Fact: I'm very happy.

Fact: I'm also more nervous than a turkey in November.

So, as nervous as I am, I try and do everything to ensure that she and I stay together. Which prompted me to give her this speech.

"I want you to trust me. To never question my commitment to you. It's not in me to ever lie to someone as fair and amazing as you are. I assure you, with all the verbal force I can muster, that I will never, ever lie to you, cheat on you, or do anything to purposely jeopardize our relationship. "

That got a big smile from her and a kiss for me.

However, when I recounted a paraphrased version of this story to a couple friends, it was met with a response that I...really couldn't understand.

They said to me that cheating was awesome. That it feels good, that there is no shame in it, that everyone does it. As the night went on, they continued on with references to how great it was to cheat and not care. I even tried to tell them to stop, as it bothered me, but that only drew more from them. It reached a point where I had to leave entirely.

Seriously, what the FUCK. What kind of bastard person could gain the trust and love of a girl only to go and break that trust, set it on fire, beat the smoldering ashes with a bat, then get in a dump truck and run it over.

For anyone, man or woman, to cheat on their significant other is a slap in the face, a kick in the teeth, a punch in the gut. It's an evil that, in my eyes, borders on domestic abuse. Cheating is...inexcusable. If things are at the point in a relationship where cheating becomes okay within your person's mind, then just break it off and do what you need to do then.

Those who cheat have their soul stained by the tears and pain of those they wronged. And if that person does not feel the guilt or pain, then he or she does not have a soul.

If you are a person who thinks cheating is morally acceptable, or has thought about cheating, then you need to take a hard look in the mirror and ask yourself what kind of legacy are you leaving behind? We make thousands of choices a day that affect aspects of our lives. That web we weave is how we are perceived in the past, present, and future. That web of choices and interaction is our legacy.

That's my time...

"Leaves" By Garrett R

"Leaves crunch underfoot as we step, hand in hand, smiles etch their way onto our mouths. Uncertainty, that wink in your eye, that clue in your voice, the laugh of urgency screams for me to move... I cannot. For the leap that I would need to take is over an edge that leads only to another cliff. You wait at the bottom, calling my name, I stand trembling miles above. Nature's winds blow stronger trying to force me off the edge. I see shadows hurtle from my being, I suddenly lose control. My thoughts, emotions and being are seconds ahead of me in my fall to you. I can only fear that when I collide with the earth, I will seize to exist. I fear even worse, that without you, I will dwell here forever, calling out to you. I connect with the ground, and search the floor for your welcome hands, I see nothing, I only hear you calling me from afar. Below me still, our distance great, the feeling greater. I see you walk away, hand in hand with my shadows. I am left thoughtless, alone...you have me, but oh, I don't have you..."