Haha, He Said "Douche" by "That Guy"

So there's a chick playing tennis on ESPN right now whose last name is Dushevina, pronounced DOUCHE-uh-VEE-nuh.

I don't really have a joke or a comment to go with that. That's just fucking hilarious.

HEADLINE: CT Guy Gets Drunk & Wanders Into his Neighbor's House by "That Guy"

STRATFORD, Conn. – Police charged a man with burglary and disorderly conduct after he allegedly wandered into a neighbor's home, stripped off his clothes and fell asleep in a 6-year-old's bed. A man, 26, was arrested early Sunday after a child in a house woke his parents to tell them a man was asleep in his bed. When officers arrived, the residents were screaming for help from a second-floor window.

Officers said the man's clothes, which smelled of urine and alcohol, had been dropped on the floor. They said the man admitted drinking at a New Haven club but denied he was in the wrong house.

The suspect was released on bond and is scheduled to appear in court Sept. 1. (story courtesy of the AP)



CT IN THE HOUSE, BITCHES!!!! Literally. One thing everybody is going to have to get used to is me writing about any story involved my home state. And when it's a story with this many holes and sketchy details in it, you can bet both ass cheeks I'm bringing the heat.

Let's start at the beginning. Any time the word "allegedly" comes up in a police report, that to me is a red flag that everything in the story could be bullshit. There's nothing alleged about committing burglary; you either broke in or you didn’t. And this story clearly states this unnamed dude "wandered" into his neighbor's house. Repeat, he wandered, not burglarized. Nothing anywhere about broken windows, smashed locks, or doors kicked in.

Next, what about this guy's conduct was disorderly? He obviously came into the house pretty fucking quietly considering the kid woke his parents up the next morning. Disorderly would be falling down the stairs and knocking grandma's old end table over. If you ask me, this guy was pretty considerate.

And why is everybody holed up on the second floor screaming for their lives?? If the guy was dangerous and wanted to fuck your son, rob you, murder you, and burn the house down he would have. He's just trying to sleep off the hangover he got from tying one on so show some compassion and shut the fuck up.

I love everything about how this guy handled the situation. He clearly knew he was too drunk to drive and probably out of money from being at the bar, so he did the responsible thing and walked home. He knew he had to get to bed to be up and ready for work the next morning and since he wasn't sleeping in his bed and didn’t want to make the bed smell bad with his piss pants so he took them off.

And then the next day when he knew he was in the wrong house, he still fought the good fight and maintained innocence. He was like Rocky fighting against Drago, just refusing to go down to the onslaught this family and police tried to put on him. This guy shouldn't be appearing in court on September 1, he should be given a fucking key to the city and then teach a "How To Get Blitzkrieg Hammered Drunk Properly" 101 class to all college students.

If I were him, I would move out of that neighborhood pronto. If you can't count on your neighbors to let you crash at their place when you're wasted and snuggle up next to their son, what can you count on them for?

You Put the Beer Bong Where??? by "That Guy"

I read a story today about how kids are starting to experiment with drugs at a younger and younger age today, and how creative they're getting with their ways to conceal the drugs and use them. Some of these new methods include making smoking pipes out of highlighters and lipstick cases, snorting vodka, soaking tampons in liquor, and doing anal beer bongs.

Yep, you heard right folks, anal beer bongs. Jesus Fucking Christ, I thought I was slick back in the days when I was 16 for smoking weed out of a makeshift bowl made from a Bic pen and some tin foil and popping Keystone Lights in my friend's basement when his parents were asleep. Today's teenagers have stepped the underage drinking game to a whole new level with the anal beer bongs though. I've been sitting here trying to figure out the physics of it and I'm still coming up empty. How the fuck can doing a beer bong through your ass be beneficial to your level of intoxication or your anal well being? Not to mention the fact that it has to be a pretty big fucking buzzkill to your party to walk out to the back porch to grab a beer and see your best friend with his cheeks spread and a thick plastic tube up his ass.

I don't understand the need for all this creativity and secrecy by today's teens. From what I read in the papers, it sure as shit doesn't seem like parents are any smarter today than they were 8 years ago. I got away with underage drinking the easiest way possible: find out where the adults weren't on a Friday night, and drink there. In the world of underage drinking, the K.I.S.S. rule still applies: Keep It Simple, Stupid. Don't risk tearing your fucking rectum into shreds with an improperly-placed beer bong and ending up with a can of Natty Ice swimming around somewhere in your butt.

And if you're a chick, the "vodka-soaked tampon up the pussy" plan can't possibly work out well either. Shove too many of things up there and you're bound to rip your vaginal wall somewhere and then you've got floods of booze flowing directly into your bloodstream. Before you know it, you're making Lindsay Lohan driving home from an L.A. bar look like a walk in the park. And when you end up roofied and raped at the end of the night, no grief counselor anywhere is going to be able to keep a straight face when you explain that your pussy was drunk on that fateful night.

On the positive side, though, if jamming these things up your cooch makes you drunk enough to find me attractive, than I am fully on-board with this new revolutionary tactic by America's youth.

Damn You, Dolphins. You and Your Damned Splashing by "That Guy"

CHICAGO (Reuters) – A woman is suing a Chicago-area zoo for a 2008 fall near a dolphin exhibit, accusing zookeepers of encouraging the mammals to splash water and then failing to protect spectators from wet surfaces, local media reported on Thursday.

In her suit filed earlier this week, Allecyn Edwards said she was injured while walking near an exhibit at Brookfield Zoo, where a group of Atlantic bottlenose dolphins were performing, media said.

Officials "recklessly and willfully trained and encouraged the dolphins to throw water at the spectators in the stands, making the floor wet and slippery," but failed to post warning signs or lay down protective mats or strips, the suit said, according to the reports.

Edwards is demanding more than $50,000 for lost wages, medical expenses and emotional trauma from the Chicago Zoological Society and the Forest Preserve District of Cook County, which operate the zoo in Chicago's southwest suburbs. (story courtesy of Yahoo! News)



Enter this as Exhibit 1,256,784,562,134,850 supporting the argument that women will never run the world. Hillary Clinton starts crying to try to get votes, Sarah Palin makes us all think twice about whether or not we really need Alaska in the Union, Heidi Montag does something at the Miss Universe pageant that I can't even describe, Jane Doe gets a dude fired for showing her how he grips his putter, and now Allecyn Edwards sues the zoo for letting their animals act naturally.

You know, as awesomely as this week started with the big family feud in Alabama, I'm giving serious consideration to going back to Germany and applying for citizenship. This isn't your office you're walking around at, lady, it's the fucking zoo. If you need a "Caution: Wet Floor" sign out near the dolphin tank to remind you that there's going to be water on the ground, then just stay home and watch Animal Planet to get your fix of God's creatures.

Of course the trainers "willfully" encourage dolphins to splash people in the crowd. How else would they get people to come watch the show. No one goes on whale watches and trips to Sea World to watch the things swim around and eat fish and krill, they want to see some action. Splashing is what puts asses in the seats, but I've never seen an aquatic-themed show where by the end of it there were asses on the ground due to wet conditions.

And $50,000 of lost wages, medical expenses, and EMOTIONAL TRAUMA?? Did this bitch slip and fall while walking around on stilts breaking up with her boyfriend over the phone? Give me a fucking break, lady. Wear some sneakers with grip on them the next time you venture out to the zoo, and throw some elbow pads and a crash helmet on just in case. And if you fall down, swallow your pride, accept the fact that you’re a klutz, and get the fuck back up.

And spell your name right. Allecyn, my ass.

HEADLINE: Dude Fired for Showing a Chick his "Driver" by "That Guy"

(SEATTLE, WA)- The director of Snohomish County Planning and Development Services was fired last week after an independent investigation found that he had exposed himself to a woman during a golf tournament in June.

According to the report, Ladiser drank two drink glasses of Jack Daniel's after he arrived at the Golf Club at Redmond Ridge and continued to drink heavily as he played in a foursome that included Michael Pattison, government-affairs manager for the Master Builders.

Witnesses said two nearby golfers were discussing tee length and one, the woman identified in the investigation as Jane Doe, held up a tee to Ladiser's foursome. Ladiser then walked up to the woman, unzipped his pants and said something to the effect of "I'll show you the size of my tee," the report says.

Sam Anderson, executive officer for the Master Builders Association, said Pattison contacted Ladiser the following day. Ladiser said he had no memory of the incident. Ladiser then called Anderson.

"He was very apologetic, very remorseful," said Anderson, who said Ladiser acknowledged that he had a drinking problem and said he planned to seek treatment.

Ladiser e-mailed Jane Doe on June 29. He said, "I have just heard of something that happened last Wednesday. I want to say with all my heart that I am truly sorry for what I did and assure you it will not happen again. I am seeking counseling immediately and will tender my resignation at the County. I have no excuses for the behavior. I am truly sorry."

When the woman learned that Ladiser had not resigned, but rather requested a leave to deal with "family issues," she contacted County Executive Aaron Reardon and detailed the alleged incident. (story courtesy of the Seattle Times)



Did I miss something here? Doesn't it clearly state in this story that the alleged incident occurred in June? I'm no lawyer, but I'm pretty sure the statute of limitations for something like this had expired by the time this tattle-tale bitch ratted out Mr. Ladiser to the authorities.

I'm also almost positive that when the U.S. Constitution mentions protecting "unalienable rights," it's referring to any guy's right to get shitfaced drunk at the golf course and whip his dick out. That would really be my only motivation for ever going to a golf course since any real man knows golf is a pussy sport, but that's neither here nor there. The point is, Mr. Ladiser was only doing what Tommie Jefferson and Benny Franklin were intending him to do when they drafted the most important document in our nation's history.

Not to mention the fact that Ladiser had already had 2 glasses of Jack Daniel's, TWO!!! When you're throwing back JD like a maniac everybody knows you can't be held accountable for your actions; just like T-Pain said, you gotta blame it on the al-al-al-al-al-alcohol.

If anybody is in the wrong here, it's this Jane Doe bitch. If you're going to stand around a drunkass dude talking and you serve up a softball like "is this tee big enough?", you can't expect him to not knock that out of the park. If you're out on the links with your dykey friends because your husband doesn't find you attractive anymore, don't start complaining when dudes flash their junk at you. Just be thankful you even remember what a penis looks like.

Did anybody ever even stop to think if maybe Ladiser did actually have a tee in his pants? Huh? Anybody?? Maybe he was wearing old khakis with a hole in the pocket and knew some tees had slipped out. He could have seen the tee that Jane Doe held up, and knowing it wasn't big enough, tried to help her out by letting her borrow one of his. Now he loses his membership to the golf club AND his job over this? ERRONEOUS!! ERRONEOUS ON BOTH COUNTS!!!

HEADLINE: Redneck Throwdown in Alabama by "That Guy"

MARION, Ala. – Two Alabama families that had been fighting for years turned their feud into a full-scale riot Monday outside a small-town city hall, with up to 150 screaming people hurling tire irons and wielding baseball bats. Eight people were arrested, and at least four were hurt, Trooper John Reese said. Two were taken to hospitals. The town's police chief was hit in the head with a crowbar but was OK.

The two- or three-year-old feud apparently prompted a fight earlier in the day at a high school, after a window was shot out of a home Sunday night. Then, "all hell broke loose" later in the day, said Sgt. Carlton Hogue of the Perry County Sheriff's Department.

"It was a full-scale riot is what it was," said Tony Long, mayor of the town of 3,300 about 85 miles west of Montgomery.

Hogue said the rioters were "throwing jack irons, throwing tire irons, anything they could get their hands on." Some people carried baseball bats and brooms....Police called in reinforcements from surrounding cities. Some officers wore riot gear, and many planned to stay overnight to help maintain order.

Judson College, a church-affiliated women's school with about 300 students in downtown Marion, issued an alert asking students to stay out of the downtown area for 24 hours as a precaution. (story courtesy of the AP)



Step aside, Capulets and Montagues. Back of the line, Hatfields and McCoys. These 2 families know how to throw down. I thought having a window shot out down in Alabama was just an every-day occurrence, but apparently that's how motherfuckers get jack irons and tire irons thrown at them down in the dirty-dirty.

And does anybody know what the difference between a jack iron and a tire iron is? And why the fuck did these 2 families have so many irons at their disposal? Are they NASCAR pit crews or something?

The papers can say whatever they want, but everybody knows this was much longer in the making than just 2 or 3 years. Somebody says something about somebody else's mother, who is actually Hank's cousin and sister at the same time, and Hank up and calls out Billy Ray for sleeping with his ex's father's sister, Tammy, back in 1995 and before you know it you've got a battle royale taking place at City Hall, police chiefs getting concussed, and the National Guard getting called in to restore order. It's redneck drama 101: when everybody is related to everybody else, there's bound to be issues aplenty.

All I know is, if I was one of the 300 people unlucky enough to be attending Judson College, my ass would have been sitting front row on the city hall steps with a bag of Baked Lays and 6-pack of Bud Ice taking in the action. What the fuck else are those kids supposed to do for entertainment in fucking Marion, Alabama??!! If school officials were more in tune with what was going on in the town they could have sold tickets to this thing and raised some money for a party for their graduating seniors so they wouldn't have to have the ceremony in someone's backyard again.

It's stories like this that bring a tear to my eye and make me want to stand up and sing the National Anthem. America, Fuck Yeah!

Allow Myself to Introduce...Myself by "That Guy"

Before I shock your system with my sick flow and quick wit, I figured it was only fair to give you, dear readers, a crash course in who I am.

My name is Brad, I'm 23 years old, I'm an East Coaster still adjusting to life in Wisconsin, and most people who know me would probably call me a prick. But they also might call me a funny dude (assuming I paid them enough). I was recruited by Kyle to write for WaxonYDB because apparently he and Garrett were drunk enough one night to think the shit I wrote on Facebook was funny (feel free to check it out if you'd like to agree or disagree with them).

I'm going to state openly and honestly that I'm not here to provide any thought-provoking ideals, controversial viewpoints, or good-natured humor. I'll leave that to K-Dawg and G-Money since that is clearly what they excel at. The fact of the matter is that most of what I write about on this site will fall under the "other junk" category and I'm just fine with that.

I'm rude, I'm crude, I'm sarcastic, I'm cynical, and I tend to toe the lines of bad taste when I'm not busy leaping over them. But goddamn it, I think the world is a funny place and I find humor in pretty much everything that happens in it. Sure it's sick, twisted humor, but I don't see anything wrong with that, and if you have a sense of humor and are smart enough to realize that 98.747583% of what I write isn't written to be serious then you won't see anything wrong with it either.

I'll take the plunge right now and encourage any and all readers who have any reaction whatsoever to anything I write to contact via Facebook (I'm the only Brad Vietrogoski on there) or email me at bradvietro@yahoo.com. If you love it, hate it, or are turned on by it, let me know.

I'm thankful to Garrett and Kyle for giving me this chance and bringing me on board and I'm looking forward to hopefully helping everybody take life a little less seriously.

"Rant" by Garrett R

Another storm, another rain dropped,
dreary and beautiful, my symphony...
Another life, another heart stopped,
tragedy and tears, what irony...

Another banner, another flag in the breeze,
pride, hope and dreams, forever waves...
Another war, are soldiers proud on their knees?
just slaves, digging their own graves...

Another beginning, means yet another end,
tell them a story, so that they might sleep...
Another broken, another one to mend,
and if you're lucky, they won't hear you weep...

Another heart, another dream,
you don't know yourself, don't wish for another...
Another family, torn at the seam,
bullet to mother, knife through brother...

Another line, another hole in the wall,
the doors creak open, the doors slam shut,
Maybe once, you can give it your all?
they locked you in...now what?

Another soul, another body trapped,
imagine your way out that gate...
Another smile, another triumph,
gone and destroyed, by your hate...

Ha

Plaxico Burress gets 2 years in jail for shooting himself in the leg....lol.

Dear Female Movie Villains,

Please, Please stop being so sexy. I am supposed to hate you...See? I'm wearing a Batman shirt...I want HIM to win...at least, that's what they want me to think...

Is it wrong that I go to movies just to watch Megan Fox or Famke Janssen? Actually, I think it is exactly why they are in the movie to being with...well, it's more like I know it rather than think it. It's simple sex appeal. Sure guys, we aren't always superficial when looking at actual options, but when an actress like Sarah Michelle Gellar walks in the room, who cares? We won't ever date her nor probably have any time at all to make an impression, thus, we use our minds and imagine having someone as seductive as the seductive actress from Cruel Intentions. And it doesn't really help that she goes onto mack on the girl she is guiding into the ground, actress Selma Blair.

But why, WHY!!??!! Are the villains always hot. I am yet to see one villain who is ugly, deformed or morbidly obese who is ACTUALLY evil...turns out the ugly mofo was just misunderstood and beat up in school so you end of feeling sorry for her before she gets her fat splattered into the ocean by a ships propeller. Then you cry, because you see yourself in the fat, dead woman sinking to the bottom of the sea. Turns out, she was the protagonist all along...and there you were cheering for the opposing force, the Hot actress that you thought was justice, is now evil and seducing the captain. Then there is a sequel. And even if the actress that plays the fatty has no 'good, but actually evil' counterpart, they typically make you feel bad for wishing for her demise in the end...sad music, tears, slow motions of the light leaving her eyes...etc.

Poison Ivy, Cat Woman, SuperWoman...even in comic books we have sex stamped in it early on. WE ARE BRED LIKE THIS!!! WE FEED ON SEXY EVILNESS...if I had to pick, I would be a bad guy, see, the good heroines are sexy, but also clean cut, they want to make sure they are ready for a committed relationship, so they will tease you insanely until you finally cave and turn into a bad guy anyways...but not the cool kind of bad guy like I want to be...more like...the in jail for sexual harassment kind of bad guy that becomes the inmates "girlfriend".
Furthermore, if I was a bad guy, I could at least get some action on the side and my god, it would pretty hot, if I do say so myself.

Last night, I went to see Harry Potter 6. It was good, kind of what I expected. But...I also read the books and hated Bellatrix Lestrange...turns out, she's hawt too! When Hermione and Tonks aren't on screen I can only wish that Bella will come back.

So please, create a little balance...create a woman worthy of Frankenstein's prom date and please...please...don't have her shave or anything...she has to be hairy and grotesque...but then maybe we'd feel bad for her? I don't know. Just...there has to be something that can be done...eh...just saw Poison Ivy...fine...let's keep it the way it is...

Peace...

Garrett R

Study: Facebook makes lovers jealous by Garrett R

Article by Chris Matyszczyk
Brief Analysis/ Expanding by Garrett Radant

It's easily done, that slide into the Facebook face-plant.

You casually slip onto your lover's Facebook page and see that his or her status has been changed from "in a relationship" to "single."

Perhaps you'd had a fight. Perhaps he or she was pressing you for a commitment, a press that you responded to with the wrong words or the wrong tone. Or perhaps you saw that your lover seemed to have a new special friend, one who delighted in commenting on every one of your lover's new photos.

Suddenly, there it all is: love destroyed by a few strokes, not of another's body but rather of a keyboard.

Some social psychologists at the University of Guelph in Ontario would like you to know that they can prove that your heartbreak is largely Facebook's fault, or rather that the fault lies in the fact that Facebook exists. After a little research, the wise brains penned a study entitled "More Information than You Ever Wanted: Does Facebook Bring Out the Green-Eyed Monster of Jealousy?"

And in their minds was the question of whether the social-networking thing enhances lovers' relationships or perhaps tugs at their essentially brittle strings, unraveling them like a cheap sundress.

It seems to be the latter. In preliminary findings, published in CyberPsychology and Behavior, the researchers found grim tales of lovers torn asunder.

Look, for example, at these words of woe from one Facebooker. Referring to his lover, he says, "I have enough confidence in her to know my partner is faithful, yet I can't help but second-guess myself when someone posts on her wall...It can contribute to feelings of you not really 'knowing' your partner."

***
My bit:

I have to say, this article is...FABULOUS. Especially being a guy, let's face it, guys are typically the more jealous species when compared to women. The truth is, that guys know exactly what things other males like and the basic 'moves' on how to get those things.

More often than I like...I check certain people's profile on my own Facebook account. I hate it when the girl I like uses this: <3, when talking to some other guy. I feel immediately inferior and find myself having to talk to her again to regain confidence, that I am on top of the metaphorical food chain. She isn't doing anything wrong, I would never tell her to stop...but I also remember how I felt as a guy when I got her first message with a little heart on it. Made me think...maybe she likes me...I like her...well I do now because she is cute and gave me the "little clue" with that heart...doesn't she have a boyfriend? Is she having second-thoughts? It's the way many minds work. When people show interest, they get it in return, because most people explore options, when the option confronts them.
No one says:

"I am so happy that Astronaut School accepted me, I have always wanted to be in space (goes on for 3 days straight about gazing and constellations and ends with...) but I think I will be a coal miner.
Two things...I was clever there, astronaut and coal miner are the exact opposites, one goes into the earth, one goes as far away from it as we can. Neat, huh?
The other point, coal miner probably never confronted this person as a job opportunity... so why would the person ever think about it? They wouldn't. And that is my point...

It goes the same way with love interest. Girl shows interest in guy, guy shows it back, vice versa.

But seriously...

It drives me nuts. I am not jealous, I also have my fair share of confidence. However, I have also been hurt, no one likes that feeling. No one. Who likes second best, when you could have won first? Sure, you might have reasons for being okay with 2nd or 3rd...your friend won or you weren't planning on doing great to begin with...but really, bigger the trophy, the less you have to sound compensating with sorry excuses...

What can be done? Nothing as a whole. Facebook isn't going anywhere all that fast and frankly, neither is the hellhole that is love. Just kidding, love is...erm...awesome(ly bad).
Anyways, individually, you can talk to your left hand and let it know that what you say on facebook does not hurt what you two do together...as a couple with someone else, just be mature and LET THE SMALL THINGS GO. If things get out of control, just talk, do NOT break up over facebook and do NOT use those damned little heart to anyone but your significant other...that drives me nuts.

Later.

Garrett R.

Running on Empty by Kyle W.

I think I want to work for a TV company. Not as an executive. Not as a cameraman or even a TV personality. Please, PLEASE let me work as the guy that comes up with new shows.

Why? Why give up my already extremely rewarding career as a video game liaison for Best Buy? Because we have officially run out of ideas for television shows.

I've come to this horrific realization just now. As in many American homes, my TV was on, even though nobody was watching. I'm far too busy surfing the internet for YouTube videos of cats falling asleep to get up and find the remote to turn it off. So I look up and see what program is on. And what do I find but a show about a collection of funny video clips. Not America's Funniest Videos either. It's a clip show about videos that are ON THE INTERNET.

Why do I want to watch a TV show about internet videos? We have this thing called YouTube which actually allows us to watch what we want instead of whatever half-funny garbage they can find and get rights to play. That show is as fucking stupid as watching a TV show about paint drying or grass growing. Oh wait, that's This Old House. And the kicker is, they direct you to their website at the end of the show to see more. So I'm watching a TV show about internet videos that you can find on their website that they got off YouTube in the first place.

And even the "good" shows on TV are only rehashed versions of old ideas. Take one of the more popular cartoons of today, Spongebob Squarepants. Now, I'm sure the scripts are somewhat original and they do genuinely have funny moments. However, I feel that their formula is familiar. In fact it's the same exact formula as Rocko's Modern Life.

Strange main character? Check. Anthropomorphic wallaby, Anthropomorphic sea sponge
Dopey, fat best friend? Check. Heffer Wolfe and Patrick Star
Irritable next door neighbor? Check again. Grouchy Mr. Bighead and grumpy Squidward.
A boss that has an interesting way to hire employees? Check. Mr. Dupette and Mr. Krabs.

And then there's Grey's Anatomy, a tweened out ER.
Lost, which is just Gilligan's Island as a drama.
And do I really have to say anything about the disgusting influx of reality TV?

Even shows I enjoy aren't really that original.

House is the exact same show every time, much like how Perry Mason and Matlock were. It was not about what happened, but how it happened.

So if a TV executive happens to read this, hire me! I have actually GOOD ideas for TV shows that aren't recycled or just contests about singing.

Now, of course, I will explain some of those ideas I mentioned, but for now I leave you with a challenge to come up with a unique idea for a TV series.

Yawning...Should you be behind bars? --by Garrett Radant

(As seen on the AOL Homepage)

(Aug. 10) -- As Clifton Williams sat in the courtroom in Joliet, Ill., awaiting his cousin's sentencing on drug charges, little did he know he would soon be the one in jail.

As Judge Daniel Rozak sentenced Williams' cousin to two years probation, Williams yawned, an act that earned him six months in jail on contempt charges, the Chicago Tribune reported.

Skip over this content

Courtesy Will County Sheriff

A judge sentenced Clifton Williams to six months in jail on contempt-of-court charges after he yawned during his cousin's trial. A spokesman for the court said Williams attempted to disrupt the proceedings with his yawn.

Skip over this content

Williams' father said he was "flabbergasted" by the sentence, the maximum issued for a contempt charge without a jury trial. "It seems to me like a yawn is an involuntary action," Clifton Williams Sr. told the newspaper.

The court disagreed. While Rozak did not comment on the charges, a state's attorney's office spokesman, Chuck Pelkie, said Williams did not let out a "simple" yawn. "It was a loud and boisterous attempt to disrupt the proceedings," he said.

According to the Tribune, Rozak is particularly fierce on courtroom decorum, issuing contempt-of-court charges at the highest rate of any judge in the county. The broad discretion of judges to control their courts has prompted Rozak to file contempt charges against people for everything from swearing to not silencing their cell phones.

However, some of the people Rozak assigned harsh sentences to were shown leniency if they apologized.

Williams will have to serve as least 21 days, the Tribune reported, and he has been locked up since July 23. In a letter to his family, Williams wrote, "I really can't believe I'm in jail."

For more on the story, read the Chicago Tribune.

***

My bit: What the hell? So...if I yawn, even during an important meeting, I deserve to go to jail?

Even if I yawn VERY LOUD AND ANNOYINGLY...Even if I MEANT to ruin the situation...do the people in charge have that little of an attention span to not just move on? Lame. Seriously.

Jail time for a yawn, something you cannot control without knowing what the consequences are.

Congratulations America. Rapists and Murderers walk the streets, and YOU arrest a serial yawner. Way to effing go. You really make me proud.

[sarcasm]You know the country you live in is effed up if people are going free after doing casual things like yawning...when the rapists get put behind bars...I'm so happy America is normal in it's justice system.[/sarcasm]

Jeez...I can't even think...their mind-boggling stupidity is blinding my insight.

Screw you guys.

DON'T PEE! It's a felony.

Garrett R.

Weather is terrible...

It should really decide what it wants to do...cold and rainy or hot and sunny...none of this hot,l humid, sunny, overcast stuff...

What is the difference between partly-sunny and partly-cloudy...?



Attitude.

News Flash

It is way too fucking humid right now.

Your soul is stained... by Kyle W

Fact: I have a new girlfriend.

Fact: She's amazing and wonderful and beautiful.

Fact: I'm very happy.

Fact: I'm also more nervous than a turkey in November.

So, as nervous as I am, I try and do everything to ensure that she and I stay together. Which prompted me to give her this speech.

"I want you to trust me. To never question my commitment to you. It's not in me to ever lie to someone as fair and amazing as you are. I assure you, with all the verbal force I can muster, that I will never, ever lie to you, cheat on you, or do anything to purposely jeopardize our relationship. "

That got a big smile from her and a kiss for me.

However, when I recounted a paraphrased version of this story to a couple friends, it was met with a response that I...really couldn't understand.

They said to me that cheating was awesome. That it feels good, that there is no shame in it, that everyone does it. As the night went on, they continued on with references to how great it was to cheat and not care. I even tried to tell them to stop, as it bothered me, but that only drew more from them. It reached a point where I had to leave entirely.

Seriously, what the FUCK. What kind of bastard person could gain the trust and love of a girl only to go and break that trust, set it on fire, beat the smoldering ashes with a bat, then get in a dump truck and run it over.

For anyone, man or woman, to cheat on their significant other is a slap in the face, a kick in the teeth, a punch in the gut. It's an evil that, in my eyes, borders on domestic abuse. Cheating is...inexcusable. If things are at the point in a relationship where cheating becomes okay within your person's mind, then just break it off and do what you need to do then.

Those who cheat have their soul stained by the tears and pain of those they wronged. And if that person does not feel the guilt or pain, then he or she does not have a soul.

If you are a person who thinks cheating is morally acceptable, or has thought about cheating, then you need to take a hard look in the mirror and ask yourself what kind of legacy are you leaving behind? We make thousands of choices a day that affect aspects of our lives. That web we weave is how we are perceived in the past, present, and future. That web of choices and interaction is our legacy.

That's my time...

"Leaves" By Garrett R

"Leaves crunch underfoot as we step, hand in hand, smiles etch their way onto our mouths. Uncertainty, that wink in your eye, that clue in your voice, the laugh of urgency screams for me to move... I cannot. For the leap that I would need to take is over an edge that leads only to another cliff. You wait at the bottom, calling my name, I stand trembling miles above. Nature's winds blow stronger trying to force me off the edge. I see shadows hurtle from my being, I suddenly lose control. My thoughts, emotions and being are seconds ahead of me in my fall to you. I can only fear that when I collide with the earth, I will seize to exist. I fear even worse, that without you, I will dwell here forever, calling out to you. I connect with the ground, and search the floor for your welcome hands, I see nothing, I only hear you calling me from afar. Below me still, our distance great, the feeling greater. I see you walk away, hand in hand with my shadows. I am left thoughtless, alone...you have me, but oh, I don't have you..."