STRATFORD, Conn. – Police charged a man with burglary and disorderly conduct after he allegedly wandered into a neighbor's home, stripped off his clothes and fell asleep in a 6-year-old's bed. A man, 26, was arrested early Sunday after a child in a house woke his parents to tell them a man was asleep in his bed. When officers arrived, the residents were screaming for help from a second-floor window.
Officers said the man's clothes, which smelled of urine and alcohol, had been dropped on the floor. They said the man admitted drinking at a New Haven club but denied he was in the wrong house.
The suspect was released on bond and is scheduled to appear in court Sept. 1. (story courtesy of the AP)
CT IN THE HOUSE, BITCHES!!!! Literally. One thing everybody is going to have to get used to is me writing about any story involved my home state. And when it's a story with this many holes and sketchy details in it, you can bet both ass cheeks I'm bringing the heat.
Let's start at the beginning. Any time the word "allegedly" comes up in a police report, that to me is a red flag that everything in the story could be bullshit. There's nothing alleged about committing burglary; you either broke in or you didn’t. And this story clearly states this unnamed dude "wandered" into his neighbor's house. Repeat, he wandered, not burglarized. Nothing anywhere about broken windows, smashed locks, or doors kicked in.
Next, what about this guy's conduct was disorderly? He obviously came into the house pretty fucking quietly considering the kid woke his parents up the next morning. Disorderly would be falling down the stairs and knocking grandma's old end table over. If you ask me, this guy was pretty considerate.
And why is everybody holed up on the second floor screaming for their lives?? If the guy was dangerous and wanted to fuck your son, rob you, murder you, and burn the house down he would have. He's just trying to sleep off the hangover he got from tying one on so show some compassion and shut the fuck up.
I love everything about how this guy handled the situation. He clearly knew he was too drunk to drive and probably out of money from being at the bar, so he did the responsible thing and walked home. He knew he had to get to bed to be up and ready for work the next morning and since he wasn't sleeping in his bed and didn’t want to make the bed smell bad with his piss pants so he took them off.
And then the next day when he knew he was in the wrong house, he still fought the good fight and maintained innocence. He was like Rocky fighting against Drago, just refusing to go down to the onslaught this family and police tried to put on him. This guy shouldn't be appearing in court on September 1, he should be given a fucking key to the city and then teach a "How To Get Blitzkrieg Hammered Drunk Properly" 101 class to all college students.
If I were him, I would move out of that neighborhood pronto. If you can't count on your neighbors to let you crash at their place when you're wasted and snuggle up next to their son, what can you count on them for?
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