We see it everywhere. Babies. Parents smothering and ogling their little bundles of joy...but really, what have you seriously brought into the world...here are the top 10 reasons why infants are going to be our destruction...
1. They Steal, They Climb, They Are Hungry, doesn't this sound a bit too much like a horror film?
Advice: Run away right now, before it gets it realizes you just took a picture of it...It will not tolerate such treatment except whilst asleep. From this picture I wouldn't doubt that it could scurry up your leg, while stealing your wallet and biting your nose, look at that thing. *shivers*
2. Babies EAT OTHER BABIES!
Advice: Keep it away from other children, or maybe we should just lock them all together for a toothless bloodbath? I don't even know what to do about this...terrible.
This plays right along into my next point...
3. Babies Can Be Zombies Too
Imagine a zombie baby CLIMBING on your head, tearing out your eyes!
Advice: Pick axe through the skull. Seriously. Do it now. It is a win-win. Right? I mean...let's say the baby becomes a zombie...then you are screwed. But if you kill it, then you solved all your problems since the "Damn, I should have pulled out" moment.
4. Angriest creatures ever.
'nuff said.
Advice: Turn the baby upside down for extended amounts of time. Eventually gravity will confuse and it will smile more than frown. Or punt the baby from a balcony.
5. Babies can KILL YOU with THEIR EYES!
Look at that!! My ears started bleeding after a while...evil.
Advice? What advice can possibly be given to stop that!
6. They were this kinda shit on their heads.
It makes me paranoid...
Advice: Don't smoke or use any unlabeled pills and then look at your kids head.
7. The want the world to kiss their ass...they don't give a damn what you think.
Advice: Smack that bitch.
8. They hate everything created FOR THEM!
Like Mickey Mouse...
Or even kittens...
Advice: Ball and Chain. Lake.
9. OH MY GOD!!! This is reason enough to leave your infant in a dumpster.
Advice...Butt plugs.
10. Hitler was a baby too.
I think I have rested my case. Have a baby-free night.
~Garrett R
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